👋

I do think the poems, or scribbles, or whatever they could be called came from the amount of disorder which OCD did to my brain. That’s heavy, for sure. But parking that whole thing for a bit, it’s great, that I was able to utilise the parts of my brain that were, let’s say, ON ALL THE TIME and manage at trying for new kinds of scribbles. That’s where it is rather mathematical for me – in so far as my laying the words out and how one feeds the other or acts as a crutch of sorts to help it along with regards its description, for a reader. Maybe I only see the utter symmetry, lack of symmetry on purpose, and utter ‘riotous’ rhythm at play. That’s fine too, of course. It’s like, say for example, finding your brain’s mechanisms totally frazzled and, as a result, you try and find the only calm that you can maybe succeed in finding. What most people will have in the first instance, is what the scribbles structure does for me… to get my brain to that aforesaid place of relative calm which I don’t naturally have. The words calm my mind, somehow, whereas they’ll send most readers into momentary literary lunacy, I’d say, for their busyness alone. That’s funny. Others will find lunacy in the one thing that isn’t lunacy-based at all for me. What’s more it’s the most basic thing for my mind to do. I’m not saying I’m a lunatic either, just that… OCD as a disorder utterly is a state of lunacy for its utter hurting worth, to be perfectly honest. It’s no real part of my personality, of any sufferer’s for that matter – just a profound glitch which still needs to be owned eventually by the sufferer. To be accepted entirely as a part of their make-up. Utterly unasked for but, still, it needs to be leaned in on and accepted. So, yeah, for me the scribbles are my very own literary ‘equation’ that I’m able to now automatically lock into and proceed with carefree and bliss-filled. So it’s utter, utter meditation then, but the really… amazing part… has to be that my mind was able to go to that place way back a decade or so ago, probably even much further back than that actually, come to think of it, in finding that thread, let’s call it, to calm 😊