You’re looking to get to the crux of the literary matter. That is it, all you wish to somehow achieve. And by doing that, yeah, of course you will need to write some atrocious crap and for a very, very longtime. Or at least what seems and feels like crap to you. But you will also need to remember that you are progressing all of the time and perhaps even at a very fast pace. That’s all good. Great in-fact. But it gets jaded. At least for yourself anyhow. You don’t read books so, yeah.. perhaps you are a little bit behind on your intake of necessary grammar. But you are also relying wholeheartedly on the storyline and the people and the places, etc. But, mainly, it is definitely about the rhythm, whatever that might even mean. So maybe the words aren’t actually the most important thing when it comes to learning more and more. I dunno if that makes any sense to anyone but myself. Maybe the most important thing is this. Observing everything and at wide-awake pace. Trusting that strange feeling of unshakeable restraint when it comes to focusing all of your attention on this thing. AND adding the unwavering passion that you as a creator bring to the table, be sure to do that part too. Mix that stuff all up together and go again and again AND AGAIN. Til you’ve used a thousand too many pens, every inch and angle of your imagination and keep doing it with the fullest focus on earth .