I think that is it with Ross. She decided to leave for Spain today for the month and I’ll happily take care of Baxi, of course I will. With the ocd I genuinely cannot know if that is the thing that stands mainly in the way of everything or it’s something else sometimes. I don’t know my unprovoked thought-process with things, is what I’m getting at. I find myself.. kind of strangely detached from everything and everyone, too. I mean, I’m still fighting and still feeling okay from time to time, but the level of belief in the ocd and what the years of imbalanced thoughts and ruminations has done to my mind is… scary, really. I feel ok, I’m doing my best as ever. But.. as I said before, to live comfortably with this it really does more often than not feel like a miracle will be needed. A miracle of mind in so far as my recovery will always go. It’s.. okay. I can’t handle a lot of things, that’s just the truth and the faster I understand that the better. I’m ok with this. What I mean is, I know no other way, to be perfectly honest. My main aim HAS TO BE to feel as okay and good and content and happy as I can with the ocd. The rest? Well, I can only try my best with what my mind is at any time able to take on-board. I care for Ross. Of course I do, but in all truth my situation is peculiar, and it is certainly different. In so far as the handling of the ocd goes. I know what to do, but then.. my brain just seems to forget it all suddenly, again and again. And that’s.. just the strength of the imbalance and built-in thinking and ruminating process in me. The best thing, I guess, is that I know that you can’t reach perfection and that it’s also just a silly made-up word. I’ll be okay with mental comfort, and if that means falling a fair whack short of my real and undisturbed potential then that’s actually okay. Because I do know that it also makes me as well as brutally breaks me. It has made me searingly… smart, I feel. But neither does that have to mean that I am always going to be right. Of course not, and neither do I wish to be. Just… Brian. Just… comfortable. And just… suitably balanced 😀