There’ll come a time when you need to just… move on with your day, your mind, etc. I cannot go there with the OCD anymore. Or at least not this weekend, even the week after that. I have a wedding this weekend and I wanna bloody enjoy that. So, yeah, peace and quiet please. I’ve done what’s necessary times a thousand with this over the course of pretty much my entire lifetime. Exposed myself to absolutely everything. And, yeah, there are zero medals to portray just how impossible it can be for the sufferer, however if there was something akin to medals to be able to show and prove just how hard it is to merely survive with OCD – and I say merely only because that is how it will seem to an outsider looking in, whereas for the sufferer it is in fact an immense success of the brain and mind every single time they do manage at continuing on, one working against the other to try and not entertain it – the sufferer would honestly have to have a bunch of solid 24 🥕 gold medals around their neck. Actually, that’s quite funny, really… only in a grossly back-to-front way, I guess, because, well, oftentimes their mind will feel weighed-down anyway, minus the bloody medals. Get me? 🤷‍♂️ Yeah, that’s fairly weak for its worth. It’s a fight for your mind to be relatively okay. A fight to let your personality actually surface, resurface, whichever. A fight which isn’t likely to be won outright, really, given the strength of the chemical imbalance, so it seems. But… you do it. You share your mind with the imbalance and you try and break free from its grip. It’s grip is ******* tormenting to the last. As my doctor says about it. I’ve been trying to do that, to break free as best I can by not trying at all, but the fact is that this actual disorder is too chronic for me to settle, and certainly outright, as I said. I dream of that happening, of course I do. But I do think that what I write might eventually help someone else, a teenager maybe somewhere who needs the help just like I utterly did way back then. Maybe that’s what I have to aim for right now, and also accept that this may never truly work out for me in terms of being the exact person I want to be. If so, I’ll at least do that for someone else. I mean, I can’t let a kid, or anyone else for that matter, really, have to live through what I lived through way, way back before getting diagnosed myself. It’s a discombobulation of the brain and it truly does need utter respect and understanding. About… often times ninety-percent of the sufferer’s brain is pummelled and pulled and dragged in a million different directions, searching for a calm to that false alarm of the brain, which never really goes away in the first place. The other ten percent, or maybe 70-30, depending on the success rate they are having with the illness and at any given timeframe, is the part of your brain that still realises it’s wrong to be thinking and thinking and thinking like so. Deep, deep down you do know it. That’s a heartbreak all of its own really. How come, then, the OCD sufferer, in particular, never loses their whole mind, so to speak and quite frankly? Hmm, probably in large part because we fight beyond belief to stay with ourselves. To stay right of mind, let’s call it. And in many ways this is even worse than losing your mind fully. At least that way you’d get to stop thinking and thinking and thinking in utter circles and having to witness your life piss itself away, you’d perhaps just get to sit numbly and accept mediocrity and a silent mind. I’m not trying to be negative there, I’m simply explaining it for other people, and other sufferers too. I don’t piss my life away, or by a long shot actually. I handle it as best as I can manage. That’s the whole truth. As I said, I do everything possible to live well with it. But, yeah, to live brilliantly with it would have to be the overall goal for same 😃