I have never been more proud of myself in my life
and simultaneously scared. Sitting with a ticking time-bomb of a mind is zero kinds of fun to be honest 🤷‍♂️ However, I really don’t think I need to be so very scared anymore. I mean, I’m nowhere near as scared – even mentally paralysed – as I’ve been in the past. HELL NAH!!! I’m working hard for that feeling. Always have done. Taking my medication religiously, doing great long runs on the roads, smoking an unbelievably less amount of cigarettes, meeting friends, drinking the amount of coffee I feel I can take and enjoy and leave it at that, and, all in all, feeling like myself. Yeah, it’s still eerie and weird and sad, I think. And maybe even fairly deep-down I do know that it’s ALL OF IT ILLOGICAL mind scattering’s that set my mind on the way to… mental discombobulation. It’s OCD. I don’t want it to rule my life, my mind, and I’ve never, ever not done the very best that I can with it. Tried to learn to work with it. I just watched united getting beaten by league leaders arsenal 3-2 over in Coman’s. Was fun. Always is with him. I still need to keep utterly trusting my mind one-hundred-percent. I have always wanted to be ok, to not be monumentally floundered by a mental imbalance. Yeah, it stood and still might well stand in the way of many things for me. That thing about doing stuff unplanned and… just suddenly and carefree can be extremely difficult. But I do understand that that’s how it is supposed to be, though, naturally. To make mistakes or, if mistakes do occur, to pick myself up from them. But, then, I don’t see it that way. I am open to making any mistake, really, just so long as it’s not occurring all owing to the OCD. As I said, I’m so very proud of myself and so very focused on… looking after my mind and brain, too 😃