You’re only ever talking to yourself with the ocd. Trying as you might to do something, any thing, to ‘dislocate the imbalance’. That’s a frightful thing in its own right; especially seeing as, on the other side of the equation, even when boggled by said ocd, you have become almost inhumanly equipped in dealing with the so-called hassles of everyday life. Of course you have, you’ve experience it all with your very own mind a billion times over and, hey presto… you’re still here! But you’re afraid, petrified even, because you know you have to walk through it whatever the rumination. But, when your ruminating has actually become your thought process, all in all? That is when you are thrown so very outrageously and unfairly and unfortunately against the wind and stuck in an atrocious sense of limbo because, well… your mind literally has not learnt over the decades to think straight and naturally. It’s a fight that should have never, EVER happened in the first place improper. A fight to silence a complex disorder of the brain which, in its most basic essence, really, is an inability in said wiring of the brain to turn off anxiety, as the necessary wiring needed for this has somehow been dismantled. No turn-off of anxiety, becomes, it seems, ruminations of whatever kind it doesn’t really matter. It becomes… routine, as you try and find that back-to-balance, somehow. Anyhow! I guess, when there’s no balance of comfort in anything, that is when… your mind will do ANYTHING to find some kind of answer to something. Anything 🤷‍♂️ And that is exactly what mine has been doing with the ocd imbalance for the last almost 27 years. That’s… a different take on life for anyone. Of course it is. That’s a jail sentence of the brain, and the torture happening is the ruminations, which are AGONY. UTTER AGONY. It’s a lot like.. you will undeniably be left with no real memories because they were toyed with via the ruminating process. So, yeah… your memories are absolutely rubbished really. But that’s all fine and fucking dandy. Intriguing, even. I don’t give a toss, so long as I can be the one to defeat this thing

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