Acknowledge the disorder

Of course you have to acknowledge it, have to actually sit down for however long it may take at any given time to a) settle your mind down entirely, and b) even when those nutty ruminations are as close to a realistic sense of thinking- ie. actually working their way into your psyche when it comes to normal day-to-day decision making, to… not entertain them. Now, that takes a strange and unfairly unimaginable level of trust in your self when, because of the ocd imbalance, you actually are left in a particular sense of limbo because you actually aren’t yet able to utilise the right part of your mind properly. Not quite able to make those normal day-to-day decisions that everyone else is actually supposed to take the time to make. Well, you are in fact appearing to manage to make those decisions perfectly well, just that the pain which fails to cease amidst it all is relentless and restless. That’s it. These notes to oneself, urging yourself and knowing wholeheartedly that if you do continue to entertain the barrage of thoughts then you will undoubtedly be back in the horror-scape of a mind brutalised by ocd. It is so very easy for a non-sufferer to handle the actual ‘obstacles’ the disorder puts in your particular way. And that is… breathtakingly gutting, anguishing. Insane in a very real yet equally… aware sense. But, yeah… that’s it, really. You continue on but you also actually need to figure out a surefire way to know, know, JUST KNOW when it is the ocd pushing its luck and attempting to get back into play. I know so deep goddamn down that it’s ALL OF IT an irrational thing and, ultimately, you would truly hope that you can be forever, in a sense, able to say to yourself and at any given time, “yes, I do have this odd-ass, complex and crippling disorder of the brain and all that I have to do(deep breath)… is to fundamentally… keep my mind calm 🤷‍♂️ What I’ve had to go through truly does make horror movies of the highest order seem like romantic love stories in comparison. Basically, people who don’t actually have a diagnosis and what-not really shouldn’t be letting themselves worry about anything. The waste of headspace is laughable for me