I went to an art exhibition once
And the ‘art’ was just awful
BLOODY awful
There were two artists
Telling the children
Who’d been told by their teachers
To show up
How they made their pieces
I listened with intent
Because I wanted to know
Even if I was disgusted with
The show
I use a butter knife
To get the strokes just right
I had to smirk hard
Her admittance gave the
Kid with the pink converse on
An awful fright
You use a BUTTER KNIFE?
That’s crazy
Then I thought about all of
The great artists
How crazy they were
This one had the crazy part
Down to a fine art
Of its own
Without any talent
Running the core
She came over to me
Asked if I liked the show
I dropped my head
Thought about what to say…
I’m afraid not…
No
She was disgusted
Disgusted that I’d told her
The truth
I apologised
Told her things would probably
Get better with time
After that she was
Far from kind
On with the show
Anyhow
Her stuff was on sale for a
Small fortune
Then I noticed a red dot go up
Some middle-aged fat bloke
Had purchased the one
With the artist and her pup
A terrier
But a terrible painting
Butter knife
Or no butter knife
I couldn’t understand
What was going on
This fella deserved nothing but
A stick across the hand
I drank the free drink
Headed on out for a smoke
Told the curator of the show
That things inside were
Nothing but a joke
She laughed at me
Told me I was
Wrong
That the woman inside
Was a great artist
Awfully strong
When it came to talking her pieces up
The one with the pup
She said
Just sold to a man
Called Ted
An art critic to the last
Cost him two and a half grand
Christ almighty
That’s crazy…
She should put that butter knife to good use
Stick to buttering bread
Let the art to the
Real artists
Then again
Two grand will buy you
Plenty more butter knifes
So it seems
We’re in for a windfall of
the stuff
Beats the hell outta me

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