You keep on going, keep on doing what you’ve been teaching yourself all along to do, by listening to other people’s mannerisms with regards doing day to day things. Family, job, bills, holidays, children, shopping lists, etc. Whatever may somehow from time to time cause a sense of stress and anxiety in people. You’ve suddenly become a goddamn sponge. Then, you think… “Okay, I get what people tend to generally be worried about, even if my OCD is constantly on anxious and terrifically distorted as a result. So I have… the roadmap, maybe?! To being… normal?” You get balanced and you genuinely appear to wholeheartedly know how to not be anxious because, well… you know how to manoeuvre that particular mindset to feel ok. Cos you’ve done it every which way and to the nth degree and literally a billion times over. So that’s it. Yup. You stay fit, you eat increasingly well, like anyone else who wishes to keep on top of things, only you are singlehandedly doing it to get to a place where the unthinkable and utterly indescribable OCD can finally be turned into a great thing. Not a thing to be dealing with on an hourly basis but, rather, a GREAT THING. Always there though, always fighting to bear-grip your fine mind over and over again. You treat that little bitch like your curious and badly raised kid, teenager, whatever works for you, really. And, above all else, you suddenly stop yourself and think, “How in the name of Christ on a backward standing bicycle did I as one single person come through 25+ years of THAT!!!!?” If I wasn’t myself I’d genuinely wanna be me… … only minus the OCD. Surely there’ll come a day on a stage receiving some literary piece of plastic ‘gold’ for me, when those tears will flow like a goddamn masterful disaster that I inadvertently came to care to write about. Happy tears. Literally all of those poems are a piece of me. Course they are. What would you do if your mind was caught in a vice-grip and you wanted to portray exactly what was invisibly happening to you? Sketch the whole damn beautiful disaster and use it as your own goddamn road map…

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