It isn’t fair. It is beastly and not at all comparable to anything else in anyone else’s life who I know. Unless, of course, they too suffer with a mental illness. But this one? Obsessive Compulsive Disorder? It’s no such life to lead, and I honestly cannot hold on forever, cannot attempt to let a blatant imbalance of my particular brain derail my thinking-process. My mind. How it should normally work. I don’t so much experience stuff as… I… am forced, or am maybe even forcing myself, to watch it happen around me whilst my brain and its aforementioned imbalance literally drives me insane. Around the bend. I have held on for so damn long now it feels as if… while I seem to know EXACTLY what to do to help myself in any given situation, I am also simultaneously unable to cease the imbalance. I am literally sitting, walking, talking, etc. with the balanced part of my brain waiting for the imbalanced part to STOP ITS IMBALANCE. Most of the time I am not angry because, well… I am too engrossed in irrational thoughts, ruminations, to feel such a thing. I have done my part, done it a million times too many, in fact. I truly don’t want anyone to worry about me. And I certainly do not want to have to be forced to worry about myself all of the time anymore. I cannot feel as if I am merely holding on. It does of course hurt when your parent’s friend says to you, “the missed potential must be heartbreaking for you.”