I really don’t think that anything has been ruined as such, really. Not in my opinion anyhow. Just that I wanna get to be okay with the imbalance that happens and that does indeed seem kinda unlikely even at the best of times. It really does seem like it will take something outstanding for me to get to that place with the OCD. I’ll keep going, keep trying my damn best, but, all in all what I am tasked with on a mental note is absolutely letting my imbalanced brain search and search and search for discomfort and, even at that point, then trying to alleviate it. That’s been the whole thing for three quarters of my life. I won’t stop, but it does manage to distort my normal thought pattern, which means really, really having to hang on in there in terms of even knowing your real feelings, your real personality. In letting them come to the fore. It’s like a marathon. A mental marathon and that marathon is often unspeakably difficult. Oftentimes it is… filled with this mind-distorting and -pummelling imbalance. I can’t go into the etc. with OCD. It’s too wasteful of my time and all the time. I have to come up with a surefire way to explain this for doctors and sufferers of OCD. It’s too… completely complex inside of our brains and minds most of the time regarding the pitfalls and, therefore, feeling of mental petrification.