“Even if I do clip my mobile to a chain, the chain to my trousers, I’d still end up losing my Goddamn trousers. I mean, c’mon, seriously!!” Perry sighed. He wasn’t joking either; when it came to luck seemed he’d been dealt the worst hand possible. Worse than that, a said lack of luck only ever seemed to multiply furthermore whenever it came to the matter of him keeping track of his worldly and even not so worldly possessions. Shaking a head full of curls, he stared at the corner of the table, something he tended to do more often than not. “Only the other day, right… ”. Stopping mid-sentence, he unearthed a sizeable ashtray from beneath his jacket, proceeding to quench the life from his cigarette. “I placed my wallet, my gigantic excuse for a wallet, on the kitchen table! You know the kitchen table? Anyway… I came back to grab the thing only to find that it was Missing In Action! Anyway, long story short, one way or another, it ended up in our bedroom hid under the bed!” Put plain and simple, Perry was starting to get seriously fed up with all of this nonsense. “Tell me this, Monica, how the hell does that even begin to happen?!” Bottom line: Perry was a scatter-brain. In fact, he would most certainly lose his head if it weren’t screwed the right way on. Just one in a long line of ‘mother-isms’ you could use to describe his particular plight; no word of a lie. Right then, he was sitting with his girlfriend where else other than at The Waldorf Astoria, New York. That’s right, smack, bang in the middle of New York City with enough savings to go out and enjoy a sightseeing extravaganza like no other. That was, of course, if he didn’t manage to go full circle when it came to said matter of him losing his wallet. Give Perry Entwistle a wallet the size of The Statue of Liberty and he’ll still have some trouble. They had allowed themselves a well-earned break amid a decidedly mundane existence back home in Bristol, England. A break which they’d forced themselves to start pinching their pennies for quite a time ago. Quite frankly, Monica couldn’t believe that he hadn’t managed to lose their savings at some stage along the way. A hard thing for anyone to do, but where there was a will there was always a way when it came to poor Perry. “You lose more stuff than my grandfather did… And he had Alzheimer’s!” was something his father once told him that still resonates. Perry frowned, looking over at Monica. She shook her head. “You did it again!” She was almost but not quite shocked. “You’ve actually managed to lose your bow-tie!” She couldn’t even bring herself to care all that much anymore. It had become his thing however much it might have equally frustrated him. She thought for a moment. At this stage the mountain of missing possessions on Perry’s part was surely about to make Everest look like his mountains far younger, far less bulky brother. “I’m sorry, Monica! I don’t know what to say, really!” He could say whatever he damn well liked. Nice thing was, it really didn’t matter because nothing was ever going to change the fact that Monica would love the bones of him til eternity, it really didn’t matter that he was a liability when it came to damn near everything they owned. He smiled at her, shrugging.

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