No Surprises?! That’s what she said
But now I’m able for nothing other than getting to lay dead the wrong side of the grave, trust me when I tell you this, it’s the most hollow cave
By God, if I was beside her now I’d have her head for garters, and that’d only be for starters
My only daughter, she was seriously brave to throw her ailing father a surprise ninetieth birthday party
If I could, in fact, have my say, I would tell her off ’til she couldn’t but feel the need to pray to the high heaves for forgiveness forever
Sad, I know but, in fairness, at least she gets to go on with her show
I remember it well, as soon as I came through those doors they all started to roar it from the rooftops
Managing to alarm the cops but only because I’d had a heart-attack, fell over and hit my head… SMACK!!
So that’s what ended it all, a ‘splendid’ surprise party for poor ‘ol me
I know they say what will be, will be but this is plain downright ridiculous

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