To call it hellish would definitely be the understatement to outdo all other understatements. You have literally searched the entire landscape of your mind to find all of the possible ‘answers‘ as to why you are on high-alert all of the time. This isn’t the life which you signed up for, not one single bit. It is a rare and complex form of ocd and it is most certainly a cruel and unforgiving beast of a bitch. The opposite of its pummelling worth is, in fact, an utter sort of peace-of-mind that you will have hardly ever experienced for yourself before. It is so very unruly and, having experienced 2/3s of my lifetime living with this mental diagnosis riding my mind and to the point of, oft than not, NO return, there is a time when you HAVE to put all of your might-of-mind into NOT ENTERTAINING the intrusive thoughts anymore. How hard is it, to do that and at any given time period of the day? Only as hard as hard can be, actually. And when it slows? Well, then you continue like that. You keep on keeping on as best you can. Meditate. Relax. Keep on scribbling because that is UNDENIABLY what you were born to do. You’ve built something utterly unique and beautifully rhythmic and descriptive amidst the mental pain of a lifetime, and that undoubtedly now deserves to be applauded and, what is more, taken as far as it can possibly go by me. You’re a superstar. You’re one-of-a-kind and sweet and caring and loving and all of the things that you have ALWAYS wanted to be. All of the things that you absolutely cherish. ALL of the characteristics and personality traits that you have ever wanted to feel like in yourself. That took, still will take, absolute one-of-a-kind courage under illogical fire-of-mind. You were NEVER meant to fall as hard as you fell in the first place utterly improper. You were never, EVER meant to have to hold onto your mental strength for all of your lifetime. You were born to thrive. You were born to have it all, at least in so far as you feel content and to the bones of your being. This was a glitch of the brain which you have played no part in whatsoever and the blame is no-one’s. Of course it isn’t.