I know what you’re thinking, it’s probably one of the most ridiculous titles in the world
Totally absurd
But that’s the thing, he well and truly is the man with cigarettes for fingers
Sure people think it strange, of course they God damn do, there he sits every single day offering away
Doesn’t matter what people have to say, the cigarettes will always be there, always spare
You see he can’t smoke them ‘cos of the fact he’s smoked so much over the course of his life he’s now paying for his sins
No longer able to use the smokes for a crutch as such
All he does is watch others enjoy their smokes, while he can do nothing other than share a joke with a friend
However usually the conversation comes full circle and depend upon his cigarettes for fingers
Why do I talk about the man with cigarettes for fingers
‘Cos he’s the kindest man in the world, even though his long-term girlfriend does seem to find the whole predicament rather absurd
When he touches her face he leaves her perfectly manicured skin laced in tobacco, tobacco-laced if you like
Although unsmoked so it’s not like she’ll ever choke
She loves him even if her nearest and dearest think her to be playing some kind of cruel joke
Putting up with the man with cigarettes for fingers
Or maybe she has the right plan, to linger for a time ’til he gets bored, files for divorce and the alimony comes rolling in
Doesn’t matter either way, she does that and she’ll eventually end up paying for her own sins
The man with cigarettes for fingers, a real man who might look jaw-droppingly strange
But he has his life, his money
Some sort of plan then
By the way, his name’s Stan and he’s also up on two charges of murder
Go figure

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