I’m feeling better than ever
But a part of me is still trying to answer the OCD
When deep, deep down I know
That’s something I can’t afford to do
Sitting it out in Rathmines with a coffee, a fag
Wondering if it will all turn out fine
That’s just it
There’s no way of knowing
Never going to be one
So even when I’m out of the woods I ain’t quite out of it
Can’t you see
I’m doing my damndest to take it down to the ground
To come out the other side
All the better for it
Sure it’s surreal even at the best of times
Only fellow OCD sufferers can understand what I mean
Exactly
And that’s fine
I mean, we didn’t ask for it
Or did we?
The thing is like a manky looking monkey on my back
All day long
Stronger than strong
It makes the simplest things hard to do
But only a few know what I mean
As I say
If I could work hard, party harder, watch the day soak itself away
I’d be the happiest man in the world
But I don’t know how to do that just yet
Still filled with a ridiculously frustrating amount of fret
As well as regret
For the things I’ve missed out on
May still get to miss out on
I’m thirty, not twenty, not fifteen
Maybe I’ve missed my chance at something serene
Maybe not
Maybe I was born to write about this stuff
In helping someone else out
If I’ve managed that in some way
Feel free to give me a shout
‘Cos I do think I need the confidence boost
Even if publishers are lining up to take me on
Small magazines
But that’s what I’m supposed to do
Poetry and mental health-wise
Close my eyes
Take it one step at a time
I know people know who I am deep down, I’m Brian
But there’s so much missing
And I need to unravel this
Or I’m going to end up on the floor having some sort of fit
Let it all go by the wayside
That’s what they say
But that’s harder than hard to do
When you can’t help but be used to wanting to do everything perfectly
Once I see that this is impossible I’ll be grand
Get to sooth my wary feet in the sand
Finally
Peace of mind

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