It’s not that I don’t want to be the very best that I can be, it’s just that lately there seems to be a serious lack of motivation in my life. I don’t have the bounce in my step that everyone really does need to have. Having come out the safer side of a severe mental health issue, I’m nowhere near thankful enough to the Gods, or whoever it was, whatever it was that pulled me away from the seemingly never-ending pain. I’m resting on my laurels at a time in my life when I should be reaching for the stars, absolutely. Okay, maybe I do have some sort of an excuse in that for the most part of my young life I have suffered from OCD – the kind that doesn’t include physical acts of repetition but rather mental ones, mental ones wherein I have felt for a long time the dire need to convince myself that everything will be alright. Of course, this is an impossibility for any one person, but there is perfection-seeking and then there is this, and 4 months inside of a psychiatric ward a couple of years back doesn’t even come close to delivering to you the level of agony my mind has had to endure. Twenty years of comstant anxiety, an overriding belief that all was not well with the world even when it may well have been may just be what horror movies are made of. My friends didn’t really get it, heck, I didn’t really get it. But now I’m walking away from it I still seem to unable to stop and take awhile in remembering just how Goddamn far I’ve come. How lucky I am to be right where I am. Yes, it’s a fairly well known, documented fact even that I want to be a writer – a well known writer in both this country and further afield, but I also need to find a job, any such job, because otherwise I end up pissing about the place far too much, smoking a ridiculously amount of those ghastly cigarettes. Addiction’s addiction, but if I was somehow able to quit OCD, a far greater beast, mentally and physically, then why should I not be able to quit the cigarettes? Because, as I say, I am sitting all too dangerously on my laurels. There’s a recession, has been for a few years now, but I cannot let that be any excuse either. Excuses build up and make a mouse out of a man. I must find out what it is that really drives me, what are my goals and heady aims in life and how on earth do I go about succeeding as such? Take a breath and blow that Goddamn candle out once and for all. That way there’ll be many more celebrations to come.
Poetry Themes
- Humour(1,689)
- Left-of-centre(952)
- Mental Health(167)
- Poems for People(0)
- Sad(1,014)
- Serious(2,248)
Recent Poems
- “It’s A Thunderstorm That They Just Don’t Wanna Be A Part Of Anymore”
- ‘Writing Til Your Balls Fall Off’
- ‘Strength in Numbers’
- “Calmly Created From Wildfire and Secondary GlAdNeSs”
- “I dunno; Ah, I do, Though. Kinda?!”
- “Here We All Are!”
- ‘Mo-Fo Scribbles’
- ‘Cocktail PeRsUaSiOn’
- “It Does Indeed Carry A Name Called Muck With It- ‘Til The Very End, Though?!”
- ‘Untitled’
- “Why DO I Scribble At All?”
- “It Does Indeed Carry A Name Called Muck With It… Til The End, Though?”
- ‘Comfortably Contrary People’
- “That Smile, Though…”
- “Instantaneous GrAtItUdE- Be Rather RuDe Not To Gloriously IntERRUPT.”
- ‘An Exception To All The Rulz’ take 2
- ‘An Exception To All Rules’
- ‘Watching The Artist Work Wonders’
- ‘The Sound Of A Stark, Harsh Reality Of Twisted Dreams’
- ‘Tis Few Who Could Have Actually Drawn This Many Breathes And Still Survived A Lifetime’
- ‘Wonderful Fuckin’ Words’
- “Hello, Head!”
- “When Her Zen Spoke For Itself”
- ‘A Pathway to Paradise’
- “Bathe the Bastards ‘til They Drown Outright”
- ‘A new-ish medium’
- ‘Wonderings for a new style of structure of scribbles’
- ‘A Loaded Bullet Filled With Threatening Suggestions’
- ‘A Waste Of Headspace, If Ever I saw It’
- ‘The Common Courtesy Of A Loveless Sucker-punch To The Head’
- ‘Done And Dusted’
- “What Will Be Will Be”
- Word-training. That Abstract Attraction
- “About The Artist: Only… NOT me”
- ‘Befuddled Every-men’
- ‘Finding Neverland Again’
- ‘In Sight of Survival’
- ‘Nerves Of Steal If Somewhat Unfairly Eager Sometimes’
- ‘There’s A Freeness To Catching Fire To The Wind Sometimes’
- “The Dance That Never Happened Only Ever Inside of Her Head”
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