It’s not that I don’t want to be the very best that I can be, it’s just that lately there seems to be a serious lack of motivation in my life. I don’t have the bounce in my step that everyone really does need to have. Having come out the safer side of a severe mental health issue, I’m nowhere near thankful enough to the Gods, or whoever it was, whatever it was that pulled me away from the seemingly never-ending pain. I’m resting on my laurels at a time in my life when I should be reaching for the stars, absolutely. Okay, maybe I do have some sort of an excuse in that for the most part of my young life I have suffered from OCD – the kind that doesn’t include physical acts of repetition but rather mental ones, mental ones wherein I have felt for a long time the dire need to convince myself that everything will be alright. Of course, this is an impossibility for any one person, but there is perfection-seeking and then there is this, and 4 months inside of a psychiatric ward a couple of years back doesn’t even come close to delivering to you the level of agony my mind has had to endure. Twenty years of comstant anxiety, an overriding belief that all was not well with the world even when it may well have been may just be what horror movies are made of. My friends didn’t really get it, heck, I didn’t really get it. But now I’m walking away from it I still seem to unable to stop and take awhile in remembering just how Goddamn far I’ve come. How lucky I am to be right where I am. Yes, it’s a fairly well known, documented fact even that I want to be a writer – a well known writer in both this country and further afield, but I also need to find a job, any such job, because otherwise I end up pissing about the place far too much, smoking a ridiculously amount of those ghastly cigarettes. Addiction’s addiction, but if I was somehow able to quit OCD, a far greater beast, mentally and physically, then why should I not be able to quit the cigarettes? Because, as I say, I am sitting all too dangerously on my laurels. There’s a recession, has been for a few years now, but I cannot let that be any excuse either. Excuses build up and make a mouse out of a man. I must find out what it is that really drives me, what are my goals and heady aims in life and how on earth do I go about succeeding as such? Take a breath and blow that Goddamn candle out once and for all. That way there’ll be many more celebrations to come.
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Recent Poems
- Effortless S-E-X, Lethargy-Enhanced Linguistics & An Unashamed L€V€L Of !MpUlSe-Related Video-games.
- Pitch-perfect lOpSiDedNess
- “When Freedom F!GHTS and We T!E a Rocket To our M!NDS And LET IT ALL SM!LE”
- Going Forward: Not. A. Word. Of. Wisdom. Whispered.
- “These Hawk-Eyed Individuals Of BarelyThere Beleaguer”
- Big Breaths ❤️
- Risk And Rewind: “We Won’t Ever Get To Explain Exactly WHAT(?!!?) We See, But They Need To Know That We Already Took This Thing To The Next Level MULTIPLIED”
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- 11:11: A Level Above Beautiful. “If We Were Represented By Anything Then We Were Represented By Our Own Minds — HARDdr!ve”
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- ‘Pepper-dew And Pitstop’
- A Closer Look At !ncred!ble: As A Tragedy UnFoLds As A Badge Of Honour EXPLODES Into Reckoning’
- ‘Like The Heavy Breaths Of Collision-Course Kindness Happening Inside (of) An Ocean Of Accordion-Like Bewilder’
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- 😃
- 😃
- “When They Bottled Braveness And Went Hard, Harsh, AND HEAVILY(!!)”
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- The Devil’s Sun’
- bulletproof Bewilder
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- “A World So Very Densely Layered With Coincidental Bl!$$, Please”
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- Final Score Just In: “She’s As DAFTly As He Is DeliberAte At Being Real.”
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- Boiling It Down To… Being Brian 😃
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- ‘The Girl Who Danced: With Her M!ND On F!RE’
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