“Swear there was sweat. Sweet drip-on sweat. Sort that tests and festers like mother tricklin’ Reeeesiduuuue!! Only this thing looked good… Real truckin’ Pumppppin’ guuuud. Kinda gud dat does ya all a lotta goood! Know the kind, righ’? Makes our toes sweat, our eyes tremble. Your fingers dance til they quiver!! Dance and damn right dannnce til everythin’ feels kindaaaaa gross. I tell ya… … I took the laptop… crashed it again’ that there wall. You here with sudden firin’ visions of a drunken scribbler sprintin’ about your brain, righ’? Well, it chunked the hole right there and went off the edge and into da feckin’ neighbours bleedin’ Tellyyyy. Tell ya what tho’ Andyyyyy… those tellies and me laptop, they ain’t worth shit no more – n’unless you’re a prick lookin’ to tinder swipe all da nightloooonnng. And them there days are passed me by since dawife made me wide as a gargling gorilla. So. Hey… have a drink. Bar’s free mate. Free til that yolk returns. All good, mmmhmmm!!! That’s the tap!!! ‘Tis da very waaaan, baaaai!!!  Take a grannnd schlep there for yizself and watch the fucking world bounce back. Yaaaaa!!”

‘Thirsty Scholar’ version 2

“Swear there was sweat. Sweet drip-on sweat. Sort that tests and festers like mother tricklin’ Reeeesiduuuue!! Only this thing looked good… Real truckin’ Pumppppin’ guuuud. Kinda gud dat does ya all a lotta goood! Know the kind, righ’? Makes our toes sweat, our eyes tremble. Your fingers dance til they quiver!! Dance and damn right dannnce til everythin’ feels kindaaaaa gross. I tell ya… … I took the laptop… crashed it again’ that there wall. You sittin’ here from me with sudden firin’ visions of a drunken scribbler sprintin’ about your brain, righ’?!! Well, it chunked the hole right there and went off the edge and into da feckin’ neighbours bleedin’ Tellyyyy. Tell ya what tho’ Andyyyyy… those tellies and me laptop, they ain’t worth shit no more – n’unless you’re a pretty little prick lookin’ to tinder swipe all da nightloooonnng. And them there days are passed me by since dawife made me wide as a gargling gorilla. So. Hey… have a drink. Bar’s free mate. Free til that yolk returns. Free flippin’ Taaaaaaytoes da-lo’. All good, mmmhmmm!!! That’s the tap!!! ‘Tis da very waaaan, baaaai!!! Take a grannnd schlep there for yizself and watch the fucking world bounce back. Yaaaaa!!”