It scared the life out of me in the beginning but I do feel as though it’s time to burn the candle somewhat
Guess I’ve been doing it of late, nothing too outrageous although enough for now
And what happens the following day, nothing but onwards and upwards, enough water to fill the Liffey, the Lee
Jot down the words to a new poem, yes, I’m still living at home but that’s OK, the parents have been brilliant when it comes to keeping me on the straight and narrow regards my ever going mental again
They say I might just have found my calling, poetry writing, yoga for me, what about that book deal
Well, it looks like we’ll have to wait and see
People have been taking to it, asking me to pen poems for a loved one, something I have grown to love doing even though I don’t know them from Adam
Is that what they call talent, I really don’t know, still looking to land smack bang in the middle of life, remain a completely ordinary joe
Still smoking but that will have to go, imagine being paid to write poetry on a full-time basis, now that’s what you call sublime, using my own time to the best of my ability
Get to do all of the things I dreamt about doing for oh so long, I suppose if I think about it I’ve been quite strong, I don’t let the worrisome thoughts take over, ruin my day
What can I say other than this is what I want to do for the rest of my life, to be able to walk down the street and have someone point at me and say “that’s the fella who wrote that poem” would have me walking home most probably with a new poem in my pocket smiling to the last
Ready to give my next attempt a blast
Still not quite there, a couple of times when I wake up early in the morning and my mental version of the sun fails to shine, feel a pinch of despair
But that’s OK
I know perfectly well what they say, that it will never be perfect
Perfect needs to fall by the wayside, slide on out of me ’til I can take glee even from the mundane things going on about the place, meet new deadlines at relative pace, no rushing ‘cos that’ll be the death of me
Can’t afford to think about it too much, the fret I went through, a God damn slew of disaster
If mine had been a physical illness I’d have been covered from head to toe in plasters, but it’s not, it’ sickeningly silent, oh so violent
Now it’s time for me to give something back, to recall the flack, turn it into words, however absurd and distant that may appear to some, for others it makes too much sense, only ‘cos some people have yet to experience the pain and as a result are living life through a fair element of pretense
I don’t blame them ‘cos they’ve been lucky to have ducked and dived when it comes to the aforementoned, I don’t know, maybe they’ll feel it when they have a lot less to do in their life, when their old and alone, drawing the pension
I don’t wish it upon them for one second, it just depends upon everyone’s own interpretation
Anyway, burning the candles, how do I go about doing this, meet a couple of friends, drink hard, give my part-time work in a bar a miss
No, I don’t want to do that, have done it before and it’s not nice, simply embarrassing, leaves you wanting for more
Rest assured, I’ve experienced how bad it can be, so all I have to do is take a little time and remember, remember that that’s not how it’s supposed to be at all and take from it, omit the pain, replace it with my own kind of mind game
Turn the dreary, things that once upon a time made me ever so weary with a smile that please God will take me for miles
I don’t need to burn the candle as such ‘cos compared to before I’m doing that every day, feeling the air on my face, going at my own pace, managing the simple things such as tying a shoe lace
Might sound ridiculous but that’s how it’s meant to be when you’re free from your shackles
Ready and able, willing to tackle your demons, take them down to the ground ’til they are squirming in silence
No longer able to come at you with an intense degree of violence
Christ, I’ve been there before and as I move on to the next stage in my life, not looking for a wife, nothing like that just yet, I really cannot belief how little regret I have been left with
This is it, my time to shine perhaps