I don’t like it here!”
“Huh, why, it’s a simply breathtaking castle?”
“It’s preposterous, and a little off-kilt.”
“It’s off-kiltER.”
“What… Whichever… I just hate it.”
“Maybe because you’re not wearing your crown.”
“Crown or no crown, it doesn’t matter. I’m frightened.”
“We spoke about this. Your people will want to see you WITH your crown on soon as you step outside – it stands you entirely apart.”
“All I do is waft this fucking arm about the place and preach silly little orders at them. And wear these odd, odd looking dresses.” And it’s SETS you entirely apart. ”
“The arm with the cigarette in it? They’d prefer that to THAT, I assure you.”
“Can I meet him tonight?”
“Who? CHRIS!! Christ, no. He’s not your type. You need to meet and marry a proper man, one who can become a great father to your children.”
“I’m sixteen!”
“Younger the better. He’ll relax you into a more, shall we say, suitable groove.”
“Suitable? Tell me exactly what’s UNSUITABLE?”
“The drinking two-thousand dollar bottles of age-old wine from a shot-glass in the butlers’ cellar… The breaking of valuable presents gifted to you by none other than governmental leaders… THE SMOKING ENDLESS BAGS OF WEED!”
“It’s good weed, you know that.”
“Shh, please! That happened only one time.”
“I fall I’m taking you with me.”
“Please, Princess Beatrice, don’t threaten things.”
“I’m fucking jo-oo-king!! Chill. I’m going to bed. Night-night.”
“Be the best part of you that you can be, please.”
“Sure thing, Angela. Might try that if everything else fails. Now, back to your wrestling with the laundry, thanks.”
(Phone rings.)
“Chris, it’s Princess… Agh, it’s Trish! Can you drag yourself over here ASAP… And be sure to bring the Hawaiian weed with you. Pretty please!”
(Pause)
“That’s perfect, and do not forget the condoms. Extra-strong. We don’t want a governmental baby popping out with tattoos all over it. See ya in a few. Kisses.”

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