I am trying the best way to figure ocd out in terms of… what in the name of Christ has happened. I… am wordless with it. I don’t want to think or write about it anymore. I don’t know how to allay it, this utter imbalance of the brain. It’s barking mad and it’s definitely against everything a sufferer really thinks and feels. At its worst? Yeah, I certainly cannot go back there ever again. That’s not just a wasted life but a brain taken to task 24-hours a day. That’s sad. It’s bewildering and it’s… about as disgusting and debilitating a mental illness can surely get. I’ve done the scribbles til I’m red in the face, I’ve watched it all happen before me without that balance that everyone else has. I want to take it all back but I can’t. Not yet. I’ll need more medication. I’ll need more care. I’m experiencing very little of my day when it comes to how my mind isn’t quite yet calm enough. How I am unable to truly experience my… personality, the choices I might wish to make. It cannot be on the brink all of the time. I can’t be scared anymore. I just can’t. There’s a girl in this and a family and a life filled with people who dearly care about me, and I want to truly get to experience that for maybe even the first time. I am not angry. It’s just that I am still a little too imbalanced to continue on my life to a functional extent, that’s the truth.
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- Humour (3,670)
- Left-of-centre (952)
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Recent Poems
- A Nail In The Grave. Called Creation.
- -Bite your lip and bite the dust, please.
- Stifled S*******.
- There’s A History In That Scar. “as we watch them dRAG themselves back.” The Art of silencing a tIcKinGMInDBomB inside.
- Topping The Bill And Failing To Boast About It Anymore
- To Sweep It Under The Rug Is To Simply Say: “that we’ve been trying like WiLdFiRe.”
- Raising the rAreSt Of Stakes
- Sycamore bird AtNite. nocturnal Flight And With Passion Between His Wings
- 😃
- Sitting with Silence. Part… … … a million
- Messing with mOmEnTuM: asking their tragedy to understand itself:: kindly, Heck(..) q-u-i-e-t-l-y, “if it can.”
- “Pass the pArCeL And Make It Magnificent, Please.”
- -.attempting to Drown in MindbEnDiNg happiness
- “A Smooth Sea Never Made For A Sailor”
- Smoking Guns And Other Alarmingly TwIstEd-In-D-E-E-P(!!) Metaphors. An Artists Right To Portray… . the breath that held itself together for her
- Letting the imbalance be there. For good or for bad.
- “Buried behind her kindness of eye .”
- GatheringTogether TheirSources ofGoldDustAgain. Treading… Melon
- Discovering Candy
- ‘Lying M€$$iah$’
- All the colours of CreAtiVity. Black and all—.
- State of Mind: DelightFULLYdisENFRANCHISED(..) What an oCd minD dOes By dEsign.. default setting OverPROductiveAndDisrupted .
- When A HardNight became AWideAwake Evening. From Berlin to Belgrade in an Instance.
- Silence
- By a hair’s Breadth.
- ‘Silver-chair Montgomery’
- Bitterly Battered BuTtErFlY? Meet Diving-Bell.
- Mission accomplished – And Now…… “For A Sky-B-L-U-€ Sense+of+Indispensable=RECreation, please” // “She’ll Speak When She’s Spoken too.”
- …..
- If sunset is a rule then please give us the tOols
- “She held her(best… … …)breath for the correct correlation of people beCAUSE… there was a whole other universe inside of her AwrY iMaginAtiOn.”
- Their hearts have been hounding them down again.
- Eye of the Storm: Warmer than an AforeWARNED MASTERPEACE.
- “They Will Not Go Down With This Ship”
- startledIntoAction
- Shook but NOT out
- Makeshift superheroes
- Carrying the noise like a Neanderthal’s Mind+on+fire: “it’s probably NOT what we wanted to HEAR.”
- WaLkInG WiTh wIlDfLoweRs: restoring What’s impossible
- Sitting, STANDING, WaLkInG, c-h-a-t-t-i-n-g: “With Their Survival Techniques At Hand.”
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