It’s the arguably hardest thing in the world, I feel, surely. To live with OCD. There’s no comparison, there really cannot be. For me, it’s been from the age of eleven til now – I am 40 years young (🤷‍♂️) next February. It’s all been somewhat deliriously hoodwinked by said OCD. You cannot put a number on the amount of friendships lost, financial gainings lost, experiences lost. However, what you can do is, take it all in for a whole while. What you have been able to do amidst it all. I don’t want to make it all about me because it certainly isn’t. It’s about… anyone feeling good and a lot like themselves and at any given time. It’s about.. understanding the pitfalls with OCD on a personal level, too – that’s your own thing to have to deal with from start to finish, no two ways about it. And I do. I deal with it literally as well as anyone else surely can, or has, ever done. I don’t need plaudits for it. What I do need, though, is for there to be a surefire way… for me to know on a moment-to-moment level how to not just let the automatic ruminations be there and have to still sit in silent pain, but, in fact, to actually go beyond that and to be able to not be in dire mental pain anyway. All the time. I’m not angry. It happened. It’s a complex diagnosis and one which I cannot just ‘turn-off’. Not how it works, or how it will ever get to work it seems. I am very hopeful for the next level of medication my doctor should perhaps choose to prescribe me on my reckoning. She trusts me with this. I know that much. And I certainly know what’s what but I am not able to get everything I do right and neither did I ever want to do such a ludicrous thing in the first place. You’re… looking to not be balancing a million things with your might-of-mind all of the time. And you’re ultimately looking to be able to… live with the OCD. Nurture the diagnosis, even? And to also get to truly enjoy your own experiences, the personalities you get to constantly meet, and your own personality, too, of course. I wrote it all down with the scribbles because, I guess, in part I wanted people – my family and friends, etc. – to know how hard I try to feel okay. I write with riotous rhythm because… well, I do seem to have made that as automatic as the ruminations have become over the years. Fire with fire? I dunno. I’m not really all that interested in analysing what my mind did, and still does, to try and be okay. Hard-hitting words, absolutely they are. Descriptive? Absolutely. Rhythmic? One million percent and most probably because.. people need a rhythm, a… calming of mindset. A grounding of mind, a place to… just bloody well BE, I guess, which is what rhythm seems to do for people in my opinion. In a certain instance anyhow. It’s there in the songs we listen to. In poems, too, of course. In… many, many more things really. Truth is, in the end I fell into the poetry by absolute… chance. I wouldn’t say accident because I always wanted to create… the ‘uncreatable’. My own poetry style altogether. And to make it eventually live-out-loud in the world as it certainly does for me in my mind and during my day to day comings and goings, etc.