You are trying to bolster something in your brain that doesn’t need bolstering. It just needs… to be left alone entirely. To be left to its own devices. To be NOT ACTED UPON. For me, the ruminations are literally a thought away and wholly because it’s so engrained in my thoughts and thinking process. You’re looking to, first-off, survive. That’s it, really. To mentally survive. And physically, too, because the pain sure is a physical feeling, of course. And then? Well, I cannot say what you should be looking for. But… it’s exciting on the one hand because, well, you do know why you need to do and at any given time, even if your brain’s imbalance will say the very opposite. You’re being out-thought by an imbalanced part of your brain. That’s it. So… yeah. You have to do what you always seem to know what to do whenever you either try and explain it to people, or write it down like right here now. It’s not about being successful in life with certain things, etc. It is about being balanced. That is what an ocd-sufferer aims for above all else. And, to be honest, maybe just that thing will have to be enough.