The imbalance is the imbalance. And obviously, as a sufferer, or anyone else for that matter, you cannot just pinpoint it and fix it. Doesn’t seem to be the case for any complex and chronic mental disorder, actually. Not that I haven’t tried even such a thing. So, yeah. From imbalance to outlandish imaginary OCDland, which has a sufferer ending-up stuck in a level of mental distortion so complex and inescapable unless, of course, we can manage to actually sit with that imbalance all of the time, is a thing that happens at the drop of a hat. And, for me, sitting with it all of the time is precisely what it will take. What it has always taken, and for any sufferer of this mental disorder of the brain. I have even separated myself from the OCD and marched on. I have literally done a million things a million times. But the mind and the brain are separate in their workings anyhow, in as far as the brain feeds the mind all of its ways. OCD BRAIN – imbalanced. It’s the strength of the imbalance that gets us caught all of the more and with each and every new minute. No-one should have to deal with fixing or even just figuring a way to live with a hugely faulty brain mechanism in the first place. I know that. Or, rather, my mind does… and not ever my frazzled brain. Nowhere near enough anyhow for it all to actually feel close enough to normal and often enough for my life to not always be driven by this disorder. Medication and non-stop exposure to my feared theme/s etc. included. But surely it cannot be all of the time, and in those moments why can the sufferer not get it all together and sort their life? We try, but the imbalance eventually and all too often drags us back to the way it was. Not just the distortion of our brains and the imaginary-land that is effed-up and happening, but also the living, breathing certainty inside of our brains and minds that things are even falling apart as we continue on. And this occurring even with absolutely nothing whatsoever happening around us is the part which seems to really have no off-button. In that even if the distortions haven’t been enthused, the harder we try at, well, not trying, that level of more than 100% certainty that disaster is, or will occur is, I believe a huge crux in it all as a disorder. A level of hotwired mental strain of feeling and actual belief, in fact, which most brains the world over will never have even been anywhere near forced to incur. And I know this is a messed-up thing for any reader to try and understand. Or maybe it’s more-so our own distorted brains that are thinking that for other people too. But hey… it is a bloody disorder in the first place, right? But trying to silence something which can wipe your whole mind right out and seemingly from one minute to the next really shouldn’t be in the bargain for anyone, really. And I must also not let myself get distorted enough when I am writing these things to the extent wherein I cannot even trust my own explanation of it all, that the absolutely fear-factor of it all railroading everything I stand for and almost all of the time. Or at least everything I try to stand for and almost all of the time. I have to, have to trust myself and my brain as I try and help others and myself. That’s what I have signed up for too. What I always try and do. You’ll find yourself doing such things, I’d have to assume, when you’re not being given many other options to take onboard with your own brain and how it all decides to work its way out for itself, and for yourself.