😃 ❤️ 🥳

It’s as difficult as it can get, the OCD, and that’s just a given. It will literally tug and throw your brain and mind in a million different directions and at the drop of a damn hat. Even when you aren’t doing a single thing to entice it. That’ll be the decades of complex brain discombobulation, I suppose you could say? But I think the craziest part is that the sufferer, whenever they might seem to be getting to feel as though they have SOMEHOW(!!!!!) allayed the fears run by the OCD to a sizeable enough extent for themselves it’s like a whole other part of their mind AND BRAIN decides… to make a zillion-percent sure that… nothing is wrong, and if it is, which is how it utterly feels almost ALL THE TIME anyway, then you will need to figure it out I-M-M-E-D-I-A-T-E-L-Y and all over again. OR ELSE… … . It’s… maybe you can say a nightmare within a nightmare… within a nightmare… … WITHIN A twisted-up in utterly inexplicable shit NIGHTMARE for its excruciatingly… non-stop worth. And while I do know that I have maybe even as much as a thousand notes in my notepad and on my website on my phone as, I guess you could say, a kind of insurance, seemingly against anyone else suddenly knocking me off-track in perhaps doing something as downright empty-headed and throw-away as questioning the validity of the disorder on my part, it doesn’t make it… calm, or calmer, anywhere near enough. But it is a helluva lot calmer than, say, 10/15 years ago. Of that I can be shit-sure. It’s a level of mental… craziness that would send the smartest person crazed. Even if smarts really don’t mean shit anyway when it comes to OCD, whatever those things even are in the first place. It doesn’t give any room for ANY SORT OF LEEWAY, really, to how a mind should even begin to get to think in the first place. That’s the truth and, I guess, when you want to try and live as b-r-i-l-l-i-a-n-t-l-y well as you possibly can with something so very all-encompassing and ALL OF THE TIME occurring inside of your mind you do end-up kinda concentrating on… well, trying to help others as well with the illness and in any possible way that you can. You will literally do ANYTHING to make it better, no two ways. That’s fairly natural, I’m sure. Of course it is. And, understandably, one can’t even begin to get to anywhere near the required extent of, well… understanding all that OCD entails for a sufferer unless they are in it for themselves, of course not. But what an OCD sufferer probably wants more than anything in the world is to know why the levels of UTTER CERTAINTY AS TO CATASTROPHIC DISASTER HAPPENING is just about as real to us in our addled heads as… the realness of… I dunno, outright disaster happening? Whatever that might even entail! In a physical instance?! I dunno. I mean, I do… but then I utterly, utterly don’t. Hence the disorder happening all over again and again… and again in the first place. That damn mother-******* disorder that truly will take someone to their knees and in plain-sight of anyone else, really. THEY WON’T GET TO SEE IT, these other people, not ANYWHERE NEAR the way your brain and mind are doing! Of course not! But this is a minute-to-minute thing for the sufferer, who will have literally taken their mind and brain to every possible angle of analysis just so as to, well, figure-out the UTTERLY unfiguroutable for themselves (not a word, really, but sometimes ya just gotta put down what ya got going on in your head for its silliness of worth 😃) In other words, it’s a person’s mind trying to constantly figure-out something which is illogical to anyone else but happening so very often enough for them in their brain and mind that.. well, what the heck else are you supposed to be trying to believe?? And as for the negative aspects of it all – in terms of the sufferer acting… negative in their demeanour, even if fairly invisible to anyone else, which I dunno how the heck it can turn-out that way time and time again and from the inside looking out… but somehow it does and probably because, well, it’s none of it the real interpretation of you, that will even be the last thing they will wanna be portraying of themselves. THE VERY LAST THING, and we will fight for that real portrayal, whatever that might even get to be, harder than any Muhammad Ali, any… Mike Tyson ever really could have done. Only our fight is ALL-OF-IT mental and happening inside of our heads… as opposed to a physical thing in these fighter’s instances, is what I am getting at there. And that is certainly not any kind of an over-blown comparison, not even for a second. Trust me on that. It’s like a thousand board-games happening inside of our minds and if we don’t figure-out what’s wrong with ALL -OF-THEM… immediately then somehow… well, the shit’s gonna REALLY hit the ******* fan only, yeah, it’s literally a million mentally coaxed-by-our-own-brain fans in the first instance which no-one else ever really gets to truly see, let alone comprehend. Not on a mental level anyhow. I am the happiest guy around, truly. And I work to be that way in a manner that truly does beggar belief. It even shocks me too, until such time of course as I am simultaneously leaving myself too busy altogether… in trying to yet-again calm the imbalance in the first place. But it is impossible to try and describe this thing minus coming across as rather… insanely negative. That’s just how it is 🤷 So of course you are gonna wanna try and do something outlandishly impressive with your time as you go along 😃 You’re gonna wanna try and turn perhaps THE MOST DISGUSTING, LIVID-SEETHING mental mind-melt ever into something… concrete and tangibly comprehensible for its worth. How could you not? How Could You Not!!!? YOU THROW A BILLION KITCHEN SINKS AT THE DAMN THING and every single day, really!! And that doesn’t necessarily mean the scribbles either because, well, these pieces are only ever really written to keep a mind as calm and as sharp as I can possibly manage but, yeah, it would be all kinds of lovely and nice to get to, I suppose, step way, way, W-A-Y back from things and to actually get to analyse – a normal and sane level of analysis this time, please – what I am actually trying to do, to achieve. Ya know?? 😊