What I’ve been trying to do for myself with the OCD is to turn even THAT mental ‘glitch’ into an utter moment-to-moment plus. How? Well, I suppose, in so far as I do try and let my brain and mind take onboard the moment-to-moment things just like a mind minus chronic OCD might like to do. And that has in fairness made me witness a whole lot of amazing feelings from time-to-time as well as anything else, and that is one of the many reasons why I am not bitter ONE BIT about having this mental-illness. It made me who I am, truly, but that is way more-so to do with the aforesaid stuff about my always having tried to turn the ‘glitch’ into an utter positive than anything else. That’s a lot of work going on inside of my mind and UTTERLY unnoticed and behind-the-scenes for everyone else, and, as I say, from moment-to-moment. But I do back myself, to the end. It’s an incredibly messed-up disorder, no two ways, but I need to try and start referring back to these posts from time-to-time amidst pride and progression rather than to just be dipping in-and-out to literally remind myself that I actually have a mental-illness in the first place. I’ve done all of the explaining imaginable, and more, and it’s frustrating and mind-frying, absolutely it is, but if that’s how it is to be then so be it, I will still be as decent and good and humorous, etc. a person as I can possibly let myself be. Hmm… it’s… its own whole charade of the brain and mind, is the OCD. Is ANY mental-illness really. I have endured it all and I have stayed with it, and I have tried to let others understand a thing that, ultimately, even I cannot understand. Although, to be fair, I actually do think I can, and have, described all that the imbalance does from A-to-Z inside of my brain. You don’t get to ever truly understand a mental disorder, that’s a given. Or… ahem, a Ginevan, as Ruairi would say. However, that does not mean that it has all been a waste of mind/time either. That’s a black-and-white way of thinking for sure as to how a person’s life might feel for them, and I certainly do not follow that black-and-white way of thinking. I’ve done my damnedest to take onboard and learn how to be as okay as possible with the OCD, even though it takes me away from myself and all that is happening around me AND without any kind of a real mental realisation, really, that it is happening, trying to happen, or whatever. Truth is this. I am honoured to be who I am, and I am utterly honoured to have the family that I do have. Relieved and utterly honoured on both counts. To be okay with a mental-illness of any kind you’ll have to fight, even when no-one else gets to see it, just… maybe… more so feel it in you. I’ve done next-to-nothing wrong. Just one man living off of Disability Welfare with a chronic and pulsating AND seemingly everlasting mental disorder which seems to end-up always eventually believing ONE-BILLION PERCENT THAT DISASTER WILL HAPPEN IF I DO NOT STOP IT FROM HAPPENING! The disorder, not me. I am a happy man, and perhaps that has to be seen as a nod to just how much support my family have given me over all of these decades. They certainly didn’t need to do all of that. Most, I fully understand, would not have even for a second been able to do such a thing. There is no throwing in the towel, absolutely never was ever, EVER going to be for me. Nothing but utter, utter respect and… curiosity, etc.. for this life I find myself to be joyously in. So, yeah, The Bourne SCHULLtimatum with the lads in Schull tomorrow and Ann-Marie too. Looking very forward to it now and really gonna just be myself as well as I’ve always only ever tried to do. Yeah, perhaps it is against all of the odds in a mental instance a lot of the time for me but, then, perhaps I was born to use all of this crazily inexplicable mental anguish to my UTTER advantage. Nothing but ABSOLUTE love ❤️ I was minding Saoirse today as she is a little sick in her stomach and loved having her here for the day to look after her. Looking very forward to her Communion next week and honoured to be going to Courtmacsherry for the meal. YUUUUUM!!!!!