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It’s what it is. And what it is is extremely difficult on my mind. That is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, though, and it needs to be kept in-check, entirely. I know this above all else. Or, rather, I know it but my imbalanced brain does not know it… at all? Now, that won’t be easy even at the best of times, but that’s okay with me too. I’m as willing as ever to work with it, even if my brain and mind are often jaded. I am willing to do all that needs doing, but there will, unfortunately at this stage, inevitably be moments and hours and days and even weeks when it knocks me off-centre to an extent wherein my brain and mind just isn’t able to handle the imbalance of the disorder and will get caught in its… grasp, let’s say. That’s ok, too. On I go. On I scribble. And on I smile. 😃 Great fun at Fred Zepplin’s Sunday with Pam, Val, and Eric Hickey to see Rory Gallagher tribute band. Andrew popped along too for one pint. Good guy. For me, the instruments were the take away part from the gig, in that I find his voice gets a little lost amidst it all, but then that’s just me 🤷‍♂️ Had drinks – got a round, did the exposures, etc. etc.. Met Claire and her friends in KC MAC’S in Bandon when back home and had good chats and fun. What an amazing and happy sister, Claire is. I keep on going. Tuesday morning and… of course the imbalance is trying. So it’s like sitting with an uncertain brain that never seems to know anything besides such a thing. This is good, in many ways. What I mean is, this is… a million miles away from where I’ve been at its worst with the OCD. But it’s still… numbing my mind, which is of course owing to the medication working as well and I cannot overlook that particular fact. But what about the part where I do of course have OCD but the me that’s still able to not only live okay with it but also get to feel mentally comfortable enough to feel things the way I know I should be doing as well as everything else? But it’s still all me. Still my mind trying to live with the most illogical thought-pattern owing to the disorder and happening precisely where I need my normal thought-patterns to be kicking in naturally and taking shape based on normal experiences and how the brain and mind should be reacting… minus OCD. I keep going, I keep smiling, I keep… realising and remembering that I have this thing and that I have done literally everything to be okay with it. All of the exposures and all of the time, never backing down or away really, but just that I should also work at feeling free to head home or stay home and just relax and that is all, as that’s hugely important too, of course. That’s the thing too though. I don’t think that I particularly need to be working at anything, that just what gets me caught in the loop of OCD again and again. It’s illogical and I am not. Not in the slightest. But I gotta push my imbalance into place with my own mind and let it do its best, whatever the hell that comes up with 😃