❤️

So. Here are the spikes with my particular OCD imbalance. Over decades of OCD my themes have morphed into financial well-being for the most part. And what the imbalanced brain has done to that particular theme is inevitably send it in a million endless circles of thought which become something much more than thought. My OCD has me believing with total certainty that I WILL become homeless if I cannot figure out a way for that particular thing NOT TO HAPPEN. And that, in turn, causes my imbalanced mind to eventually get distorted in the things it feels an utter need to continue to think through for me, as I say, not to end up homeless. So, with my money, I am always petrified of this, be it lightly happening in my head, i.e. winding its level of panic and mental toil and fear up, or at its most chronic and mentally paralysing, and, as a result, it puts the simple task of spending whichever amount of money you decide to spend in an all-out-disaster spiral of ‘thought’. Money becomes… impossible to trust my judgement with, even though it’s just about as black and white as it gets, in terms of what someone spends and doesn’t spend anyway. All that I am ever really doing inside of my distorted brain and mind, too, much of my time, is trying to fix it… in a way, really. Minus the theme/s, I would suppose it is just a person trying to figure a way to finally calm a mental imbalance only minus the utterly outlandish hot-wiring of the imagination. And maybe that might be okay except for the fact that it eventually latches onto said theme/s and has the sufferer caught-up in an inexplicable mental bind of cycle. Why, really? We have no bloody real clue. And all only ever because we are truly just trying to somehow relax a hugely imbalanced brain in the initial instance, as I say. The reason these posts that I write are always feeling quite akin to the other, for me, is the other crux of this mental disorder, in that it is as if the OCD brain seems to, let’s say, time-out. In that it almost instantly forgets what the sufferer is trying to do around it all, with ERP, etc… with their mind, to let that same mind realise that it is actually illogical what is happening with the aforesaid imbalanced part of their brain ❤️