Truth is you’re looking for an equation that just doesn’t work. With the OCD, it’s always gonna stay the same. Live with it through thick and thin. Phew!! However hard it is, well, you have to keep doing as much as any person can possibly be expected to do to handle it. You smile when that comes to you. You write whenever you might wish to do so. You go for a run. Enjoy Astro-soccer with the lads on Monday and Friday evenings. Yeah, you look at these fellas with their families and what-not, and it isn’t that you are in any manner whatsoever at all envious of their jobs, their wives, their kids, their lives. You just want to feel like yourself, all of the time. You know what you have achieved, you understand how much the people in your world care for you, even if it is extremely hard to truly take it in a lot of the time. You get angry, like today with mom, on my waking up from a nap. All of the dreams about being caught-up again, of feeling as though I am behind bars and trying to get out of it once again, in informing my ever-supportive mother that… I know what I need to do. There isn’t anything I need to to, that’s the truth. The most, often-times, impossible to acknowledge and understand fact. I don’t have this all the time. It, more often-than-not, has me. The OCD. I cannot imagine just how much of its discombobulation circulates around my brain. People asking me if I have dyslexia, even bloody light Autism. Nope. It’s. O. C. D. Provoking my mind. Provoking my decisions, my ability to know when to do anything in normal-time, really. It’s a living nightmare, and there are moments of almost pure and clear clarity. Almost. But then, well, it all seems to be too hectic up inside of my particular OCD mind, has been for such an incredibly long amount of time in my life, that for my mind to stay.. quiet and calm doesn’t yet seem a possibility.