😊 😏

People will think you have a particular comfort zone, however there really can be no such thing when living with OCD. I don’t mind stepping out of my comfort zone whatsoever, whatever that even means. I mean, surely I’ve been stepping.. into it really with each and every day that I continue on with this thing. I do everything ‘uncomfortable’. I meet with people, I be the life and soul, even if I cannot understand how I still manage to do that particular thing in and of itself. I keep fit with running and playing soccer, incredibly long runs of late, actually, to keep myself extra fit. I help people who might need my help, like walking Phil and Aoife’s dogs, etc. I am there for people who I care about and as much as I can be. No rest for the wicked, so it seems. I’ve faced all of the mental fears thrown at me. All of the mind-crushing obstacles. All of the mental fears imaginable for anyone else truly. I mean, when you have chronic OCD everything is a trigger and, therefore, everything will feel like discomfort zone until such a time as, well, you can truly learn to live well and able enough with said OCD. People think I might shy away from certain things but I don’t, and won’t ever do that thing. Not unless I am really too overwhelmed with the OCD and on any given day. People who do know me, as in really know me and for my flaws and all – although, you’ll do well to remember this: I did not choose these particular ‘flaws’, not one little bit, should wholly try and understand. I was dealt an unimaginably harsh card, that’s for sure. And often it gets me, it turns my mental world inside out time again. Living with this mental disorder is… beyond anyone’s worst case scenario, really, and yet I do live with it and often out loud. That’s just me, though, someone who will not give up. Ever. Someone who will NEVER stop trying to be all right with all of it. The OCD, I mean. It is vicious and it is certainly upsetting and mind boggling. All an imbalance of the brain, of course. All a bloody headache of a most crippling and paralysing kind. All of it is mine to deal with and deal with it I will, and still do. You’re true feelings and personality do get hot-wired and placed on a knife-edge😊 Calm. Calm. Calm. That’s all I can hope for. But the main dream with this, something that does feels as difficult perhaps as a dream to achieve, is to… silence it. To not wake up petrified as my mind searches for the mental sinkhole against my utter, UTTER will. I know how harsh it is and I know that I am the only person who will ever have to feel and therefore live through these things. When you’re attempting to live with the catastrophic imbalance of OCD, you’re going to have to trust yourself to the very pit of your entire being. How, though, to turn it all into something exceptional? And by this I mean in terms of how my mind gets to feel going forward. How it reacts to things and on a day to day basis. My getting to feel people’s feelings for me. Getting to… read and write some more, and getting to handle it all the way it should be handled. With absolute ease 😊