😊

When you’re trying to build something from scratch.. that’s gonna initially be pretty bloody difficult. And it was. Still is. And when you are trying to take it to another and another level all of the time and going forward with it, you’re bound to not really have any interest in actually reading what you wrote in the first place. That’s just how it is for me. I look at poems and I can see how they have been magnified slowly and honestly and with an encyclopaedia. That’s far too… slow and unemotional for me, anyhow. I suppose, with the words you try and get to the absolute nitty gritty of your truest, harshest, most vulnerable, maybe(?), feeling. I mean, it is all of you – every thought that came to mind; just, for myself, the pace kinda scares me and leaves me a little apprehensive at times. I mean, I’m not afraid of anything with the scribbles. Whatever happens happens, however, I never really got the opportunity to actually map-out what I might like to actually achieve with the scribbles. Career-wise, etc. I’m thankful of it, for it, and definitely wouldn’t change it for the world. But, as a rather natural result, you’re eagle minded and eyed all the time, really. That’s… probably more tiring that I actually give thought to it being for me. But tired is utterly fine with me, bags under the eyes, etc, etc… that was always my way and my wish, to not really sit still for too long a time. With the ocd I do need to accept all of the ways in which I have to look out for myself going forward. Yeah, it’s illogical and all that stuff, but, as I said, that’s only glaringly obvious to an outsider, I fear. Anyhow. So, yeah, you have to make yourself the number one priority. And with the scribbles? Well, that’s just something that comes with me and I love that. And I look forward to getting to take it all in one day for myself. Maybe it’s nothing, the scribbles. And perhaps the ocd wiring made me a little big bit delusional as to the unlimited potential and possibilities. But… naaaaaah(!!!) That’s just not the case with this thing. For me, it’s as surefire a way forward for me as anything and the most balanced part of me, too 😀 Impossible IS literally nothing.