😊

It messes with my thought process, the OCD. In ways I cannot explain, and certainly in ways that make me question what I really think and believe. It can turn a perfectly capable and caring person into an ogre of sorts inside of their own mind at least. My job, to let the imbalance work its way back to some semblance of balance. I don’t care what I’ve managed to do with it. How I’ve managed to live through this particular disorder. How I’ve managed to simply survive, even. There are moments in bed when I even realise with my own mind just how irrational it all is, yet it is irrational pretty much the moment I get going again and with any given brand new day. I don’t know up from down, left from right with this disorder. I need to learn to get to a mental place where I do in fact know my left from right, up from down because, otherwise, the disorder is just dragging my brain and, therefore, mind into a landscape of utter rumination and mental toil and, what’s more, utter mental upside down-ness and falsified beliefs of the brain and mind, etc…. It surely gets in the way of almost everything but NEVER, ever my wish to truly remain myself. So good. So caring. So… understanding, and so very willing to take on new mental habits along the way like anyone else gets to try and do, even if that part of my brain is in fact inexplicably distorted owing to the OCD. I go for lunch with Mom today, on Coman for my taking the girls to school in the mornings. Good of him and totally deserved by me. Nice to take Mom to lunch too. She gets it, gets it in so far as she understands that her son’s brain is being played with owing to the imbalance. What I’ve done with the scribbles all through it? Outrageous, and I feel it has also portrayed just how naturally smart I actually am, etc., etc. So, on I go, trying to get to Brian. And I don’t mean that in any wishy-washy way WHATSOEVER. In fact, wish-washy, spiritual stuff has zero place in my reckoning with anything. That just something people hold onto in hope, which is fine for them, but never me. I rather make no excuses and take it all onboard for myself and not blame something or someone else 😒 Shane good to do the UCC mural in the Boole library on his own today. Looking very good. Can’t wait to see how that piece turns out in the end 😃 He always asks me is it looking okay, and I get his need to know an answer to some extent because I have the exact same need, I guess, when it comes to landing something extremely creative inside of my mind whilst also perhaps getting an insight into things and how they might really work around me as I go further with it. He’s a legend, and a fantastic brother to have in your corner always. He doesn’t see how amazingly he is doing, but maybe that’s rather normal, even if I wish he did, ‘cos no one else in this country is doing it to the remarkable extent that he is doing it with abstract art. And his potential is unlimited with it, too, I believe, which is hugely exciting to witness. Sky’s the limit right there 😃