The odds are utterly stacked against me with regards the ocd. That’s something that I know, and I mean that in terms of the strength of the imbalance, after decades of… pulsating, agonising and ENDLESS rumination. Again, to stop it in a way that really will be liveable for me is going to truly take… EVERYTHING in me! But I’ve already given it EVERYTHING, and then some. That’s the worst part. With OCD… NONE OF IT is the sufferer’s choice, but more than that, the mental anguish is very much so veering on… unlivable. It’s a life like no other. We are all pitted with brains, etc, etc. but mine has been the greatest joke played on a brain imaginable, if I’m being honest here and, yah, utterly frustrated. It goes way beyond frustration though. No one will ever see it, the utter fallout. The necessity to relax only a sufferer cannot relax because they are still trying to ‘fix’ the imbalance by, and for, themselves. It’s not any representation of a person’s truest demeanour, and it certainly stands in the way of their truest demeanour, too. Their mannerisms. Their… personalities. Their goals. Their… very nearly everything. That’s OCD – one of the greatest, most brain-destroying mental illnesses imaginable. It cannot be described, the brain lock, the utter, never-ending level of catastrophizing. For me, personally, it may only be about… a handful of times in my life where I’ve actually been able to sit down and watch the television without being ONE BILLION PERCENT certain that something is gonna go horrendously wrong if I do not fix it. Imagine taking that with you whilst you try with all your might to live what’s deemed to be a normal life. Work, play, repeat. Yeah.. it’s beyond anything really. But… if there is a silver lining then it’s as simple as this. At least all of the sufferers know that they have actually got a mental diagnosis. Imagine living that way without thinking it’s not normal to feel that way all the time 😱 We’ll get there, but to get there you literally need to… ignore… a whole world of imbalance fizzing about your brain 🤷‍♂️ Intriguing stuff… if you’re not the actual butt of the joke in the first place. But I’ll be okay. I know that, it’s just important that I get there, to that stable place, very soon for mine and my family’s, friends, sake, too. It’s too much pain, too much… discombobulation of a very capable mind 😃