🥊

These past few weeks. I have… done a lot of things actually. With the OCD. I’ve… watched Luis’s final at Turner’s cross. I’ve gone to Dublin to watch The Shawshank Redemption with Stace and Reilly. I’ve gone to Ciara’s Holy Communion at Innishannon House Hotel. I’ve… done the most normal things like most people get to do without any real bother. I’ve met with Mairead O’Leary and upped my medication for the OCD. I’ve hung-out with Dad and helped with the lawn in Courtmacsherry. Had beers with Shane. I’ve gotten lunch for myself and Dad at Rebecca’s. I’ve… pretty much exposed myself to any situation which usually can cause me all-the-more mental anguish based on the busyness of the situation, the amount of people who seem to stand in the way of my being able to… ruminate ‘just enough’ to calm my condition down for the time being – the definition of the word counterintuitive right there, really. And it’s been very tricky at times, ie. Dublin for The Shawshank. I basically lost my mind to OCD’s onslaught. No two ways. And I hate that. I accept it but I also hate it. The feeling, of course, and the way that I cannot meet my full potential unchecked by OCD’s levels of persistence. It’s a sad and seriously painstaking disorder and it really is THAT atrociously against the sufferer’a EVERY willpower of the mind. I’ll keep doing what I need to do but OCD is… a false alarm in the brain which is turned on always for the sufferer. And we need to bring it down to a murmur, whatever that looks and feels like for us. So, with our task basically being to have to let that… fall away, however impossible, and I mean utterly impossible, that can become for a chronic sufferer of the disorder and without medication, it’s only ever going to be petrifying in our own minds. A whole other mindset happening – a tragedy-laden landscape. The secretive mental disorder, for sure. OCD deserves a level of respect like nothing else. Perhaps even like no other mental disorder for just how badly it can take the sufferer and dIsToRt their ThInKinG pRocESs, their mind, their brain. That is a truth that will never change 🥊