??!

You don’t get to a stage. The stage is OCD-driven, no two ways. It’s… outlandish and mind-boggling and a million other things. It’s… okay. It’s… yup, a mental illness and, for its worth, the most mentally problematic one imaginable. It’s on the sufferer to sit with it, when sitting with it means… sitting with a wildfire of petrified mind even when it’s perhaps at its… calmest? That’s… yeah, petrifying and all kinds of.. yeah, fuckit, words are pointless because all they do is, well, explain the utterly inexplicable. But if there is something to have been gained from a crazily messed up mental disorder like this then it’s that the sufferer… even if they don’t really get to know it, is striving like a mad man, literally, to be… basically balanced like anyone else is. Yup, the imbalance is so, so many effed up things it really is incredible. The symmetry necessity. The other themes atop themes atop themes. When your wayward brain is automatically second guessing EVERYTHING!! And I mean… everything. But you try and be alright. Much more than alright, in fact. You try and… beat the odds because, way it is, the odds are fucking colossal. Odds that are only ever in the mind, of course. But in the mind and living as livid in the same way and much, much more than real life’s repercussions. Real life isn’t supposed to… be based on a high wired thought, as far as I’m aware, albeit not really because, well, the OCD can make you forget that possibility even happening, let alone being a day to day thing. Yeah, it’s… crucifying and… total in its own level of impending… absolute… catastrophe happening. It’s happening with the OCD AND it’s also happening because of the damn OCD. All in the head. Always. Nothing else. But what does that leave a stubborn-to-be way, way more than just okay, even, sufferer with? Genuinely. What does that leave us with when it’s all ALL OF IT UTTER ******* nonsense? Or so we have to and need to be retold a thousand times just to… stay upright and reasonably functioning