It’s this false thing of .. constant and twisted distortion of mind(brain, whichever). It puts you in a constant placement of so much mental anguish via the lost control of the part of said mind which comfortably tolerates judgment regards what level of fear is rational and what level you need to let it go at, which, as a result, has to FIND THE ABSOLUTE ANSWER TO WHATEVER YOUR PARTICULAR FEAR HAS BECOME. Bottom line: and only one tiny example. But ocd at its most deceptively deteriorating upon a mind would have to be maybe like.. putting a three year old in a room with a genius math teacher and telling the three year old that IF THEY DO NOT FIND THE ANSWER TO A MATH THEORY WHICH HAS YET TO BE UNIVERSALLY ANSWERED then they WILL WILL WILL… actually, I don’t know what the underlying fear regards outcome is for any sufferer. Maybe that… no answer equals… forever trying to find it or else.. everything will fall apart before your very eyes? But the ABSOLUTE whole utterly disgusting thing about it? That you paradoxically end up doing exactly that action by TRYING TO AVOID THAT ACTION FROM HAPPENING TO YOU!!! Wtf. That is a crash course in life like NO OTHER, so long as you can get out the other side. So, I wrote, and wrote…. and write until that part of my mind will finally fix itself. I study it, I watch it. Hell, I… I dunno. You feel like you’re first at the finish line only somehow your body freezes at the tape and will not go past. While everyone, and I mean EVERYONE ELSE MOVES ON. To the next race, whichever. You’re there. Still kitted out like everyone else, but your potential is… being… undeniably revoked. It’s… sad, really. This ain’t no sob story. It’s a fight for balance in a part of the brain that the sufferer is tasked with allocating and .. fixing?! And somehow I still smile like no one is watching 🤷‍♂️ 💓 😀 😆 That’s probably called soul in its truest most… (ugh!!!!) spiritual sense. It’s called walking with flames in your brain and still smiling. It’s called… knowing EXACTLY what’s waiting for you when that ruminating switch gets to switch itself off, finally, and for one last time. It’s called self belief of the truest kind