I cannot say what I have to do to be okay with the disorder. I know what it is and what it does, but neither can my brain seem to remember such things and for long enough to continue into the next day, let’s say, more like myself, and by that I mean without the imbalance taking ownership over my brain. I can’t really say just how sick an OCD sufferer is, just that it’s despicable what we have to go through inside of our brains and minds only to seemingly fall away at an instance, like a gust of wind is enough to send us back into catastropheLAND.
Searching for comfort while living with OCD is a lot like searching for… calmness in a sea of utter turmoil. Imagine the ocean in the movie The Perfect Storm, with Mark Wahlberg in it, when it’s at it worst and you might actually see what I’m trying to get at. And even if the ocean – OCD imbalance – isn’t always chaos at hand, there’s pretty much ALWAYS that undercurrent which, of course, carries all sorts of undersea creatures that WILL cause danger if, and when, given half a chance. What I am trying to portray here, however upside-down and illogical and imbalanced an OCD brain is, at its foundation and at any given time, we as sufferers are ultimately forcing ourselves to check-in on NOTHING. That’s just how falsely firing and costly to our mind’s mentality this whole mental hiccup, let’s call it, of an enormous sort really can be. And the rest of the fallout, the etc. of OCD, as I call it, plays inescapable games with our brain and mind, from which we ultimately either sink or swim. To truly swim with OCD you really do have to… trust and utterly bank on backing a brain that is, for the most part, utterly misfiring and, therefore, imbalanced to a large and equally unknown extent to the sufferer. THAT is the only way and, yet, it is one of the most agonisingly hard things to achieve for ourselves.
