Chances are, with this OCD thing it doesn’t necessarily look like it’s ever gonna… dull itself down enough for my mind. It’s not defeatist, it’s just coming from a mind which has done everything multiplied by a million to get to the other side of this thing. It’s no joke and it’s ALL of the jokes – rolled into one. Truly, the OCD sufferer appears to be the very last person to get any real kinda choice with this thing, and people trying to understand it won’t really aid us in any stronghold of way either because, well, it’s always gonna be all the time only every happening inside of our heads, brains, minds, whichever. But if I can say one thing it is that… it is THE most unfathomable disorder of the brain out there. Screw the general statistics regarding the level of debilitation for the sufferers of this illness when compared with other mental disorders, it’s literally gonna be extremely different for each and every one of us. And last time I checked no level of mental debilitation was good. So… yeah. But no, it’s a person being automatically deluded by their own mind and brain into thinking you have to, have to, HAVE TO uproot every single livid, seething avenue of thought inside of your brain in order to fix that almighty fear-factor happening again and again… … only to somehow still only ever end-up with… usually at best, for myself anyhow, a mind that has seemingly already, over an extremely long course of time, set itself up with a million relentless triggers and all of them somehow distorted and patterned back together at the drop of a hat to drag the mind back to… debilitation all over again. Personally, I am pretty much triggered to a 10/10 extent the moment I wake-up to the moment I go to sleep. As for the scribbles? It’s pretty much all I can concentrate on long enough to do something… worthwhile. But I still don’t feel any of it. Or rather maybe it’s an entirely different kinda ‘feeling’. Again, that’s not to sound sizeably pessimistic AT ALL, it’s just, well, I guess, a mind and brain that is doing its all AND everything with every brand-new day in attempting to get to a mental place where, truly, it’s rarely ever been: calm. Truth is, calm is crazily scary in its own right for an OCD sufferer, even if you work for it every single day. Every single second, really