You do everything the exact same- or at least from the outside looking in. But inside… wow! You’re crumbling. You do not get to feel it like others do. And you cannot let it be there. The imbalance. Yes it is utterly illogical but it is also utterly real in your mind/brain. That’s not fair. That is.. beyond anything that you have to carry this heavy load. And it isn’t just a heavy load, it is truly beyond anything I do hope that anyone I know has to ever deal with. So, yeah, you are of course extra sensitive. However, this particular thing – OCD – is NO real representation of you. The depth of the fall when you do fall is.. quite honestly hellish and definitely upsetting for those close to you. But they won’t see it, and you cannot understand why this glitch of the brain even happened. The easy things. All of the things become… mind-bogglingly agonised. That’s it. Your life is destroyed and, yet… yeah that is it. For me it’s undeniably given me a quick-thinking mind. Such a bloody pragmatic and problem-solving mind when needs be. But, basically, your brain has been sabotaged by an imbalance that has you grasping for breath inside of your head. You do feel like you are on a drug trip of the most wayward sort and that you cannot seem to get away from it. Not a good trip!!! You forget to eat. To sleep. To do anything. But the fall- holy ****. The fall is… hell on earth for any sufferer. It is an utterly intriguing disorder, I do get that, that all suffers NEED to be kept clear of. You’re in a group you have NO INTEREST IN BEING A PART OF. But the people- you are in awe of them, but mainly because… well, I guess that you are in awe of yourself to be perfectly honest 🤷‍♂️ For still standing.. somehow. There are no real memories. That’s what the scribbles are for. To busy the mind and to try and build some sense of description. Something to utterly love for its worth. To keep your mind clear and clean. You know you have had this since the beginning but… It will not play ball. For instance: Today I want to watch Man United v Wolves. Today that has become the absolute sidebar. In fact, I nearly forgot it was on. There is no sympathy seeking with this disorder. All that there truly is is the wish to turn the bloody thing off once and for all. Ask any such sufferer