I want to say that I feel for other OCD sufferers but it sure is hard to feel anything for anyone when you are caught up in its entire grasp. I dunno what to say anymore except that I’ve been dragged a million ways to the wind with this thing. People can say and think whatever they like and, truth is, I will not find it easy to do deal with because, well, everything is a trigger; my OCD is on utter, UTTER automatic. It needn’t be spoken of in detail here except for me to say… I cannot end up imprisoned by this mental disorder all over again. I won’t let it happen, have not been letting it happen, but I do wish people knew how it is, even if just for… say, a day. Try out the utter discombobulation for size, and tell me what you think. Tell me to get a job, to relax, to just stop thinking about it. I dare you. I am angered often because of it. I mean, I look through some people I see on the street as though I can cut through them with one stare. They did nothing, they don’t care. However, what I do in fact know is that everyone wants me to recover. But, for me, to recover isn’t appearing to be any kind of an option right now. I will always have the imbalance, it seems, and, no, that is not anywhere near fine. You try kneeling down a million times in your life, be it down town, in the city, with friends, with my girlfriend, whereEVER, and every single time closing your eyes and wishing for… a whole life of OCD bombardment and, henceforth, utter discombobulation to JUST PLEASE CEASE AND RELEASE. That is harder than hard. It is… no kind of life. You are simultaneously petrified whilst also being stuck in OCD’s bear-grip! For twenty-eight-years. No natural learning-curve came about for me as an adult, ever! Trickier things have most probably never happened to most people.