What is the actual point of living with chronic and crippling OCD? Well, to be honest, that’s never really been in question for me. I’ve always wanted to live. So, so, SO fucking much! What it does end up giving you, though, is a highly hyperactive mind and. against your every will, a tendency to become extremely paranoid-of-mind and shocked to the core by the seemingly simplest of interactions as to what other people might say. None of this is intended. A mind that’s been utterly conditioned by this stage to have to feel an utter need to follow a strict line-of-thought analysis and interpretation… or else, etc. etc. All of it a miscalculation of the brain that the sufferer has to sit and watch happen to themselves like a slow-burning disaster on repeat and repeat… and repeat. It’s all over the place, really, is OCD, and of course I hate what it leaves me with and certainly in a mental instance. I don’t look to do anything whatsoever other than to get as better as I can. To work… Christ, how I dream of being able to do that simple thing, at least in comparison to living with this disorder. I cannot just… cure it, when curing it is what you really do need to do so as to actually be able to step as far away from the crucifying madness-of-mind with this thing. It’s… indescribable. But I have to continue, I don’t just wanna be another wasted life. It isn’t wasted, not really. Just that when your personality has been utterly floored for the most part of your life and you’re left feeling just panic and doom in your mind at best, you’re bound to grow weary with it all. All of the trying to live with the utter illogic-of-mind which happens at the drop of a hat, which doesn’t even seem in the slightest bit illogical to your imbalanced brain, by the way. It’s a rather impossible fight for anyone to have to handle. But… it is a fight, a mental one at that, and I’ve always given it my absolute all ❤️ Truth of truths is, anyone who has managed to live with this disorder and, at that, for an extremely long amount of time really is a Class-A fighter in life. And in ways which no-one, other than actual OCD-sufferers, can ever get to fully understand. The landscape of seemingly most of-the-time inescapable imagination filled and even fuelled with impenetrable fear and eventual, oftentimes, too, inevitably distorted storylines owing to the imbalance really is… so real and mentally believable for the sufferer of this illness that to break that particular routine of the mind and brain is way beyond life-stealing, but mind-stealing and -destroying too 😔 On we go