You won’t be able to trust yourself with OCD, not for a minute, really. But what you can do is… let yourself eke out some sort of a calmness amidst this particular mental disorder. It is difficult in ways that a sufferer will never truly be able to encapsulate for someone else, let alone themselves. That is the beast of this particular mental illness – hardwired in so many, let’s say, extracurricular ways. At the drop of a hat even the most mundane day imaginable can get itself almost automatically caught-up in all kinds of mental chaos and fear. This is what OCD can do, even at its… least pulverizing. But how on earth is one person’s brain and, therefore, mind, too, able to utterly convince itself in a mental instance, obviously enough, that the themes that they are stuck on and at non-stop pace are absolutely going to happen? No doubt about it. And what does this even mean? As in… when your imbalanced brain has convinced itself of such a thing happening and over such a long and arduous number of years, decades, even, how do you even begin to get to a place wherein that just becomes no longer the case? These are the very things that I need to know, need to understand, need to learn how to automatically… be able to remind myself of. That the themes are actually not going to happen, and even if they were to actually end-up happening then, well, so be it. That’s just life and how things work out. But with the profound mental strength of belief that lies in the catastrophizing of theme/s the sufferer is furthermore convinced of this catastrophe in a manner that leaves absolutely no room for… anything else other than these themes to be popping into their mind a million times per day, even. Their mind is taken to task via, as I say, a profound level of alarm and with nowhere to go but inside of itself. In other words, even at best an OCD mind may well find itself just being mentally paralysed and somewhat numbed into, let’s say, tickling the suggestion of the strength of the theme or themes. And why? But because the OCD imbalance of brain doesn’t appear to have any real control of the parts of the brain wherein the person gets the opportunity to move on with their thoughts, even their emotions. The fear-factor is outlandishly heightened inside of their mind and owing to no real enticement of the sufferer’s own. Rolling emotions are an extreme rarity, in-fact, in people with OCD. I mean, you may well have feelings and what not of that variety but, for me anyhow, almost all of the day is pretty much spent in this aforesaid state of paralysis and numbness of the mind. And that is, of course, going to have to be seen as its own kind of coping-mechanism. And I do not mind any of the above, not really. I have learnt to radically accept it as a part of me, even with all of its horrendous elements occurring. So long as I can actually somehow and in some reliable manner, at least, get myself to trusting my brain and, therefore, mind I’ll be extremely happy. A good and honest and rather intellectual/cerebral mind that tries every single day to be okay when the OCD is… automatically overtaking everything else in my mental make-up, MY mental landscape. And at the drop of a hat.