Maybe there is an end point… with the scribbles. But, for me, if I see all of it up until whenever as a stepping-stone to that one piece of magical scribbles happening then that’s pretty sweet all in its own right. I think. There’s very little I sign-up to in terms of philosophical thoughts on things because, well, for one thing with OCD you really won’t even have time to think such things. But what I do sign-up to is that this struggle of mine that I’ve to go through with the OCD needs to be as well-nurtured and made into a positive thing as possible. That’s it, really. That’s my one job, to keep at it and make my mind always reconnect with it as well as I can. Now, for me anyhow, that can feel incredibly… scary. Why? Well, because an OCD mind doesn’t really have any solid standing in the real world, and by that what I mean is what’s happening on a physical level around them. It’s kinda just… not something we ever really get to feel a part of. Sure it would be incredibly nice to have had that inroads with things inside of my head but, yeah, it is what it is, and I need to make it work. An OCD mind goes to places a mind should never have to go to, and it distorts pretty much everything in its wake. To call it distorted is the understatement of the century, really. What does a distorted mind feel like, though? Out of interest. Well, it’s a mind that just cannot see beyond black and white thinking owing to an unruly mental imbalance that grabs at all of your attempted thoughts even? It feels… a million things and all in one second. That sounds impossible but, really, it’s not. At least that’s how it feels. Sure it won’t really let you even get to consider such things as a family or kids, etc. in the long-run and sure your levels of mental fear are at best… profoundly petrifying. And sure you could unravel all of it in explaining what it has actually done to your mind… to someone else… only never really yourself. Or that you just cannot trust that explanation of it all for yourself. Not with the ongoing distortion, that’s for sure. Really, that’s… a Grade-A 1st-Class Honours at trying to understand everything going on in your brain even before getting started with your day. Only no-one sees it happening, and no-one, including yourself, gets to truly understand and comprehend that workload you’ve been putting in either. Because it is one helluva workload going on in there. Rest assured. That’s.. you really only ever getting to a place of what’s supposed to be normal calm maybe, say… a handful of times in your life and for more than… a day or so. That’s nuts, quite literally. That it all boils down to the same damn thing inside of your mind, for all of the minutes and hours and days and weeks and years and decades spent actually trying to NOT GET STUCK IN OCDland. You’ve become a play-thing inside of your own mind. You certainly can’t understand what confidence truly feels like, even if you do naturally feel like a rather confident person… beneath it all going on. It’s quite the complex little conundrum, is this thing called OCD, and if even for a moment we were able to see it from another’s perspective then that might be all the more tragic in one way at least. Why? Because then we will get to see JUST HOW DAMN HORRENDOUSLY MENTALLY ILLOGICAL IT ALL IS, WAS, EVER WILL BE. But as it stands we believe we are one billion percent correct to figure out this mental arithmetic of mind that is being falsely fired at us in the first place ❤️