How do I ignore or let be there compulsions that have been in my brain since I was eleven years old. How am I supposed to live with this imbalance that has my mind in an almighty panic ALL THE TIME. Of course I am petrified. I am exhausted, my mind does not yet turn off. But just how much of myself I am watching mentally disintegrate is one of the most heartbreaking parts, amongst a hundred other heartbreaking parts, too. OCD IS the cruelest mental illness out there, I have no doubt for a split-second about this fact. I won’t quit. I can’t, I never, ever would. But this needs to be allayed to a substantial extent 😊