To basically explain the Ocd, a sufferer is left with an utter belief that with everything happening, the possibility for disaster WILL be their own fault if they DO NOT solve the riddle. That’s the imbalance at its most basic. The riddle being the imbalance being the ruminations. Like, for instance, on taking a little nap earlier- even if no real part of you wants to be napping, often it’s merely to rest your weary mind, I woke up and knew I had to do the dinner and have a coffee and maybe write again, and go ahead with the evening however I might desire to do. However… what the imbalance does is it leaves your mind believing that SOMETHING has not been tended to, and therefore, if it isn’t unearthed and sorted out, the shit will UTTERLY hit the fan. So, yeah, not only is an Ocd brain literally a full-time unpaid job, but it also absolutely takes you away from your truest personality as it runs parallel with a simultaneous and never-ending procession of problem-solving of the mind and on a level beyond ANYONE’S imagination. Even your own. But mine went there, still goes there. The harshest and most exasperating part aside from the actual mental anguish it causes would have to be the actual capping of your truest potential and, what’s more, your personality, as I already stated. It’s… beyond any kind of mental hardship I could ever either imagine or want to place upon even the meanest person out there. That’s it, yet again, in a nutshell. The actual imbalance is too close to the core beliefs system part of the brain and that is, for me, the reason it is so hard to overcome. Your actual problem-solving part of your brain, it’s been highjacked and taken for a ride. Like being the most perfectly capable person only for this thing to have somehow been, fuck knows how, wedged right at the centre of your world. And how could you ever fix it except to actually get into the brain itself and allocate said imbalance. It’s THAT heartbreaking. THAT… yeah, heartbreaking. I’ve even dreamed of waking up and being balanced from it. How messed up is that? If I can nail a ‘fictional’ book about this disorder- holy shit 😮 It’s in me. Always has been