The truth is this. I am indeed ‘mentally-ill’, if I’m being all grandiose and correct about it and entirely talking like a doctor might. With diagnosed (chronic) Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and it is… arguably the most difficult mental-illness to allay. But I try every single day with this thing. I try so very hard to not entertain what is ultimately an imbalance at the, let us say, heart of the brain. And by this what I mean is that, my brain, which NEEDS and wishes to think in a straight-and-narrow line, has always done, of course, has been left broken-hearted by said OCD. Basically, you are left to witness your brain, henceforth mind, play tricks on you, all of the time. And that causes EVERYTHING to become a ticking time-bomb hurdle for me. For my mind! My sole theme with the OCD is: money. Finances, etc. Now. From what I can see and gather together whenever I might actually, and rarely, get to feel some sense of regained balance, most people have the time of mind, let us say, to think through what they might spend here, there, and everywhere. Right? It is called budgeting, and, to be perfectly fair, some people are RIDICULOUSLY BAD AT IT!! But, even so. They pick themselves up and go again if their cash does run itself down, perhaps unknowingly even. I, however, and owing in whole to the aforementioned OCD and its brain imbalance, and after almost three decades of reinforcing this illogical belief, am convinced one-hundred-percent that: if I do not figure out a way to STOP my money from running out – running down to 0Euro, Everything WILL go to absolute shit!! And I mean.. everything. E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G!!!!!! So, to cease that particular fear from coming true, even if which it did, I would still understandably get to pick myself up again and move along and face it like any human-being does, I(my imbalanced brain, rather!) goes through all of the possible scenario outcomes which might lead to me being penniless and then, this is the fucking kicker-in-the-balls!! my mind is in a state of upside-down shock and discombobulation owing to the constant answer-seeking(ruminations) that I cannot even begin to do the normal day-to-day stuff, like anyone else. My mind is.. pretty much utterly LOST!! But, not only is it lost but it is also… stuck in gear and trying to STILL figure out a way of STOPPING myself from EVER ending up penniless. I can’t even start to try and explain JUST how confused and thrown-all-over-the-place and on HIIIIIGH-ALERT(!!!!) your mind is then. Truth said, right now, with the OCD, even if MUCH, MUCH, MUCH better as I go along, thank Chriiiiist, if you were to place a hundred-million Euro in my bank-account RIGHT NOW, my brain would s-t-i-l-l continue to try and figure out a CERTAIN way in which I can MAKE SURE that I cannot, CANNOT, C-A-N-N-O-T(!!!!) end-up EVER becoming penniless – homeless. That is it. That is my OCD in a nutshell. However. I will NEVER, not EVER stop trying my best as I have ALWAYS done with this thing; I will NEVER, EVER stop scribbling either, because it took all of me to get to a particular approach and style and I’ll be damned if I don’t continue to push it as far and as HIGH as it can, and does, deserve to go! I don’t claim to be anything special. In fact, I don’t like to concentrate upon how I am, or might be perceived. Who even gives a shit. However, what I do possess… are a certain set of scribbles and a sense of resilience that… I cannot even begin to fathom HOW THE FUCK!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂