So, yeah, it’s gonna take more than I could ever have imagined and not just to live okay with the OCD but to truly not be mentally distorted and destroyed by it. And, what’s more, to get on with my life and do the things I wanna do and, more than that even, minus it all being overshadowed by the strength and pain of the chemical imbalance happening. There’s only so many ways that I can say the same sentence when it comes to describing what we have to go through as sufferers of OCD, and there may never be a true representation of the mental agony and fear, etc. which comes with chronic OCD. But to trust my mind ‘til, well, my distorted brain can perhaps get to that place of relative calm, even if it isn’t ever gonna be there? Or, just maybe, it is actually there to a large enough extent, and with help over time from medication and a million exposures on my part, only that the habitual obsessions and compulsions are standing in its way having been there for so many years. Decades even.. The utter… illogical part in it all and always happening utterly against all of my will in searching for a theme to destroy and distort and keep lodged in my brain and mind. On I go, on I try, and on I… deal with it all as best that I can, which I absolutely have been doing from day-one really, only, well, no-one ever gets to see the aforesaid mental discombobulation, etc. and that’s lonesome and petrifying, of course it is. Maybe I don’t need to be understanding it all for its horrendous worth anymore, it, after all, only ever ending up being a mental discombobulation happening owing to a chemical-imbalance of the brain. But also very, very much akin to trying to sit with a real living monster who’s informing your mind that all of the wrong and constant fears in the wholeWIDE world ARE GOING TO HAPPEN… and you have to stop it, or else!!! On we go, creating fiction as well as I can and, well, living my best life. Because even if I, often than not, cannot feel it I am doing an outlandishly impressive job at that. Just that no-one else gets to see that, but time for me to also start to try and learn to respect the fact that they do maybe actually understand that there is an inexplicable amount of mental pain happening with it all too ❤️