You’re truly shook at the core. That’s it. All it is. Your mind is utterly imbalanced and stuck on ANXIOUS-mode. All that you can do today is to let it hurt, let the mental pain be there. And do not touch the ruminations. Yeah they destroyed my mind and life and to a, quite frankly, inexplicably horrific extent. But they ARE just ruminations, just utter fucking nonsensical shit. Lose the content. Trust yourself in and of every moment. This is the truth with the ocd: it is a chronic imbalance of brain and to live with it you have to: not entertain any of the intrusive thoughts. I am truly sorry for what it has done to my mind and life, but I cannot and will not give up. NEVER. Ever. It might hurt like hell on Earth a fair amount of the time but I need to realise what I have done to live with this is… as per usual, there are no words to describe that miracle of mind. Now for the real miracle: living extremely comfortably with the ocd 😊 This mind wasn’t made to piss its days away inside of a bed, set on fear of fire owing to a bloody nuisance of a mental imbalance. It was made to create eye opening, jaw dropping, ahem.. ‘poetry’. To make readers feel it EVERYWHERE when they read my stuff. A back-catalogue that really will speak for itself and with good time and acknowledgement. This much I do know. And that will always be the thing that I chase