Truth is, I have been sinking mentally for a very long and arduous time, and it’s been beyond anything I can ever really explain. The OCD – it is chronic, etc, etc, but, above all else, it is mentally agonising. I didn’t get to turn off my mind for… actually, I still haven’t ever really, truly gotten to turn it off. I have OCD, and it is diagnosed and plainly obvious to anyone else, whenever I do try and explain myself to loved-ones, etc. It is akin to NOTHING anyone can imagine. It is… your brain being taken to task owing to a fault in the wiring. A disconnect at a very, VERY, V-E-R-Y important part of said brain. That is it, that is the thing that has taken me apart for most of my life. “How is your OCD” is all I will ever get to hear, be it next week, or twenty more years down the line. I am beyond scared. I’ve done that a billion times too many and over and over again. When you are living with a false loop-cycle of anxiety and owing to your brain being, basically, lit-up like a fucking Christmas tree and ever since the age of eleven years, it’s… nasty. Fucking nasty and tiring, and I don’t want to have to carry this burden in my head any longer. I want to thrive, even if I somehow do manage to thrive every single day since that early age and onset of OCD. If I wasn’t me I might like to be me and experience my mind. Albeit.. MINUS THE FUCKING JADING OCD, of course. Right now I feel like a passenger, whilst also trying to help drive the actual car. I am all messed-up and of NO FAULT OF MY OWN. Fuckit, here goes nothing, again! Another day, another test of mental nerves on a level so dire, you don’t even wanna be in my head for a moment too long. I seem to have been tasked with the near-impossible, but fuckit, I’m ALL in 😊