It will be like you are literally having to ignore your whole brain and its every single thought until, well, you don’t really feel like that is the case anymore. THAT is how difficult OCD is because the whole brain has been hotwired – imbalanced. It’s an incredibly cruel and very nearly impossible disorder of the brain to have to attempt to live with, but live with it we do indeed. And that therein lies the trust miracle of the mind – what an OCD sufferer manages to take themselves through it all in an ever-hopeful attempt at getting to themselves. I can’t ever really, truly talk about it as though I am looking at the disorder from the outside looking in, and like everyone else who knows that I have this disorder until such time as I can actually feel just how illogical it all really is, and has been, for myself. But to get to that place, for me anyhow, seems as though it will take an extremely continual amount of mental… resilience, and patience too. I do think it is up there with perhaps the most mentally taxing mental disorder out there. I can’t speak for other people’s mental anguish but no-one, and I mean NO-ONE who I have ever spoken to about any of their mental setbacks, struggles, etc., along the way, be it via a mental disorder or otherwise, seems to be able to understand what my actual mind goes through and all of the time. Things become… impossible, really, and at the drop of a hat it seems. That’s OCD. God knows where on earth they came up with this definition of it as actually being a rather enviable trait for a person to have, something to actually aid someone in their life, their focus, their goals, etc. It discombobulates the mind when nothing is happening for the sufferer. And, well, really nothing happens until it happens, I guess, so for a sufferer’s mind to ALWAYS BE ON FEAR AND ALARM anyway how are they ever supposed to be expected to deal with the silence of their OCD mind whilst it valiantly attempts to remain calm under chaotic mental overwhelm? To actually get to a place where maybe their minds have never, even really been before – relative balance. That truly is THE GOLDEN TICKET. All of the rest, let’s call it life, we can happily try and deal with however it tends to unfold. It’s hard, and it’s only really impossible until, well, a sufferer finds themselves feeling markedly better. I’ve tried from day one – my god, how I have tried! I meet my doctor, Mairead O’Leary, tomorrow in the city to talk to her about upping my medication. A necessity for me, I do feel going forward. I think that it is the right next move in so far as I can see, and in so far as I can try and trust what my own mind does indeed need. That’s it. OCD. As nauseatingly cyclical and downright dullard in its explanation almost every single time. Which really, I suppose, just goes to indicate just how illogical it all is for the sufferer. So, yeah. Go forward with a smile and with pride in your own mind and do your damndest, as ever, to live well with it 😃